True Story: First Date Disaster
By Katie on 24 November 2009 | 11 Comments
When I was a student, I worked at a bedding and bath store part-time to help with my expenses. There was a guy who worked in a different department, who was quiet, somewhat shy, and socially awkward. He spoke with a slight lisp and my friends and I referred to him as “the Hobbit” because he was short and round-faced. The Hobbit began striking up small-talk conversations with me whenever our paths crossed, and I didn’t think anything of it until one day he mustered up the courage to ask me out.
Despite feeling no attraction toward him, I said yes. I couldn’t bear to turn him down, and I figured I could survive one date with him. He looked relieved and happy when I consented. We agreed on the upcoming Friday.
Friday rolled around and the Hobbit picked me up at 8 on the dot. He seemed more bumbly and nervous than usual, and it dawned on me that he really had some sort of crush on me, and I thought I was doing the right thing, giving him a pity date. We went to a nice Italian place for dinner – the atmosphere was fairly casual and I felt comfortable just having an easy-going conversation with him. He paid for dinner and suggested catching a movie. I said ok, and here’s where an otherwise normal date turned weird.
When we got to the theater, the movie we decided to see didn’t start for another hour, so we had some time to kill. We sat on a bench in the lobby, and all of a sudden, the Hobbit’s mood changed and he started spewing some very personal information – from how he often feels depressed and lonely, to how his grandfather got sick and died last year – I didn’t know how to react. I tried to be sensitive even though I was actually thinking “this guy is crazy!” I was counting down the minutes until the movie started. Afterward, he drove me home (I couldn’t wait to get there) and before I left the car, he had the nerve to turn and lean in for a kiss. I just let it happen and got out of there as quickly as possible. Needless to say, things were weird between us at work from then on, as I declined his request for a second date.
Dina, 26, Michigan
Here’s the lesson to take away: do NOT unload all of your baggage on someone on a first date! Save that stuff for way, way later, because you’re only going to scare your date off! This story is a prime example. Yikes. Anyone ever have the baggage problem on a first date?
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By patcracks on 24 November 2009
never talk about your EX on a first date either!
By mepartydj007 on 24 November 2009
Get a best friend! ~mepartydj007
By googlygoo07 on 24 November 2009
Personally i think you come across quite shallow…the “hobbit” are you and your friends serious? Him unloading his baggage on you on the first date is probably down to women like yourself being so shallow and so up their own arse! You’re probably a really really nice person dont get me wrong and you can’t help if theres no attraction there, believe me ive had a few disaster dates too! But there is a more better way to go about it. This story makes you sound quite shallow and mean, which you’re probaby not. But i do feel for you also as some of my dates have been terrible!
By roger65 on 24 November 2009
Sounds like he just needed a friend, and you’re a b*tch. Haven’t you ever been lonely or gone through things in life with no one to talk to?
By file_ on 24 November 2009
One major baggage issue I had a long time ago was a girl showing up on our first date…
with all 3 of her kids. Unannounced. At a nice Italian restaurant.
/facepalm
By mentalpyre on 24 November 2009
Wrong lesson. She already wasn’t interested in him, so unless he was absolutely CHARMING there was no serious chance at a second date. Here is the lesson you should take away:
If a socially awkward guy gathers the courage to ask someone out on a date, he with out a doubt has a serious crush. Do not, do NOT go on a pity date with him. You will subject yourself to a date with someone whom you are not going to be comfortable with and you end up hurting him after giving him a false hope that you share the same interest he has for you. Dina either cares nothing for others emotions, or she is very naive. I am going to assume it’s the latter.
By blana on 25 November 2009
jeez you are really shallow. give the guy a break. he was nervous and had sh*t going on in his life. he obviously needed someone to talk to. what is this world coming to when people not only cant help eachother out but come online and complain about it like it was a huge deal that he needed someone to talk to. hell, you even got a free dinner out of it. you suck.
By barefoot001 on 26 November 2009
Yes, as the others have stated, going out on a date when you had no interest at all was the first mistake.
Both of you work together. And maybe he felt comfortable with you even though you and he did not know each other…..
When I saw the topic, ‘First Date disasters’, this wasn’t what I was expecting to read.
By triangle1 on 26 November 2009
No one wants to be on a date with someone who is there only to “be nice” to you. There is no reason for two people to mutually put each other through a really bad time. If you really liked this guy, you wouldn’t care that he was telling you about a death in the family. If he’d have told you only positive things, you would have complained because he’s way too happy – and it creeps you out.
By wusher247 on 3 December 2009
I’m kind of on Dina’s side here, though I don’t approve of the label she gave him and she shouldn’t pity date anybody. This guy came off needy, and insecure. He gave his sad story in the hopes to gain more ground with her, by making her feel guilty about his life predicaments, she should in no way have to feel the responsibility to take that on. She stated she tried to be comforting even though she was uncomfortable. What he did was manipulative and desperate. If he has issues that he needs to talk to somebody about, that’s why psychiatrist are for, or maybe a best friend who can help you work through some hard times with. He offered no value, because he obviously doesn’t see any true value in himself, which is unfortunate.
By Grasenrack on 10 December 2009
Was this guy needy and probably not good date material? Yes. Did Dina make several mistakes about handling it? Definitely.
As mentioned above a ‘pity date’ is about the worst thing you can do to a guy. As a man that remembers that awkward phase of life, the BEST thing she could have done would have been being completely honest at any point in this escapade. Not only does it allow her to decline the date or end it later, but after the momentary hurt wears off it will help an inexperienced boy learn to be better.