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True Dating Story: Mother Knows Best?

By Katie on 31 August 2010  |  1 Comment

I have a confession to make – I am addicted to online dating.  I fully believe that it is the greatest invention since sliced bread.  With a few clicks of a mouse, I have literally millions of gorgeous men from around the world at my fingertips, just sitting and waiting for me to burst into their world!

A couple months ago, I hit a glitch in my perfect world of going to work and then spending five hours a night making online dating profiles, talking to Brad Pitt lookalikes and making dates like they were going out of style.  As soon as Michael IM’d me one rainy night to tell me I was the most exotic looking beauty he’d ever seen, I knew he was definitely my type.  He had the same twisted sense of humor that I did and we spent three hours trying to one-up each other with hilarity.

We decided to meet the next night at a local dive bar to see some cheesy new band that he couldn’t stop talking about.  The band sucked but we had a good time dancing and joking around.  He was definitely sexy and sweet and I was smitten!

Michael and I continued to see each other practically every other night for the next couple of weeks.  The sex was mind-blowing and I quietly started picturing myself in a strapless, princess wedding gown with daisies in my hair, walking down the aisle with my mom and dad leading me to Michael and my perfect future.

I couldn’t contain my excitement any longer so I called my very best friend in the entire world and asked her to meet me for lunch so I could spill my new-found love all over her overpriced Gucci heels.   We met at a little café downtown and sipped mimosa’s while I gushed and cooed over my new perfect man.

Just as I was explaining the intricate contours of Michael’s face, I looked up to see, wait… is that my mother??  Making out with some guy?  She was newly single after all, having just divorced my father, so I shouldn’t be that surprised.  But gross, making out like a couple of teenagers in public?  Who was this guy??

I stood up to yell “Mom?” just as her mouth parted with a young man who looked a whole lot like Michael.  My heart suddenly burst out of my chest and crawled for safety under my friend’s stupid Gucci heels when I realized that the man my mother was slobbering all over WAS Michael.  MY Michael!

They both turned to look at me at the same moment and my mother smiled and waved while Michael’s face took on a panicked life of its own.  Like a panther on the prowl, I lunged towards the happy couple not quite sure what I would do when I got to them.  Like a deer caught in headlights, Michael looked back and forth between my mother and I, bugged eyed and ready to cry.  He unclasped his hand from my mother’s and suddenly just started to run.

Needless to say, neither my mother nor I ever heard from Michael again.  Our relationship has been strained and awkward ever since and I honestly can’t look at her these days without feeling slightly nauseous.

Mackenzie, 21, Long Island, NY

1 Comment so far

1. By Jenn on 31 August 2010

   Mom’s are thicker than men! The movie Rumor Has It is kind of like this! I thought it was weird having a grandmother, mother and daughter all sleep with the same guy. Kind of off the wall. I am sure Mackenzie will get over the nauseous feeling soon.