My boyfriend’s sister is getting married next summer and she asked me to be in her wedding party. I have no idea why, though, because we’re not even friends. She is cold and stand-offish towards me at family gatherings and I’m always amazed that she and my awesome boyfriend come from the same gene pool. Do I tell my boyfriend that I don’t want to be in his sister’s wedding? Is there any way at all that I could get out of this dreadful obligation?
Save me from this bridesmaid Hell!
Monica, New York, NY
Here’s the short answer, Monica: If you want to keep dating your boyfriend, the only way you can shirk this gig is if you’re giving birth, undergoing emergency surgery, or dead on the day of his sister’s wedding. Depending on how serious you and your honey are, you might be part of this family one day, so you don’t want to go around hurting people’s feelings and stirring up drama.
You’re right that in this situation, it feels more like a duty than an honor to be part of someone’s special day. But there are times in life when we suck it up and do things not for ourselves, but for the people whom we love and care about. You can tell your boyfriend that you were surprised that his sister chose you as a bridesmaid, since you don’t feel very close with her, but it might upset him or cause some awkwardness if you just blurt out that you don’t like her and would rather drag razorblades across your eyeballs than be in her wedding party.
I tend to concentrate on the positive in these situations. There will likely be showers, a Stag and Doe, a bachelorette bash, and maybe even a lingerie party between now and the dreaded wedding. These gatherings will give you ample opportunity to spend more time with the bride-to-be and hopefully you’ll get to know each other better. Put the focus on her and ask wedding-related questions to break the ice and spark conversation: “Have you picked out flowers yet?” or “I heard you bought your dress?” or “Can you believe the wedding is only a month away?”
If you make small efforts like this and you feel that she is still aloof and not interested in getting to know you better, then at least you’ll know that you tried and that she’s the one with issues. Once the wedding formalities are over, you have the freedom to avoid hanging out with her. Hopefully, though, her picking you as a bridesmaid is a sign that she does want to get to know you better and become closer.
Do you agree with Susie’s advice? Would you stand-up in someone’s wedding, even if you didn’t like the bride?
My boyfriend’s sister is getting married next summer and she asked me to be in her wedding party. I have no idea why, though, because we’re not even friends. She is cold and stand-offish towards me at family gatherings and I’m always amazed that she and my awesome boyfriend come from the same gene pool. Do I tell my boyfriend that I don’t want to be in his sister’s wedding? Is there any way at all that I could get out of this dreadful obligation?
Save me from this bridesmaid Hell!
Monica, New York, NY
Here’s the short answer, Monica: If you want to keep dating your boyfriend, the only way you can shirk this gig is if you’re giving birth, undergoing emergency surgery, or dead on the day of his sister’s wedding. Depending on how serious you and your honey are, you might be part of this family one day, so you don’t want to go around hurting people’s feelings and stirring up drama.
You’re right that in this situation, it feels more like a duty than an honor to be part of someone’s special day. But there are times in life when we suck it up and do things not for ourselves, but for the people whom we love and care about. You can tell your boyfriend that you were surprised that his sister chose you as a bridesmaid, since you don’t feel very close with her, but it might upset him or cause some awkwardness if you just blurt out that you don’t like her and would rather drag razorblades across your eyeballs than be in her wedding party.
I tend to concentrate on the positive in these situations. There will likely be showers, a Stag and Doe, a bachelorette bash, and maybe even a lingerie party between now and the dreaded wedding. These gatherings will give you ample opportunity to spend more time with the bride-to-be and hopefully you’ll get to know each other better. Put the focus on her and ask wedding-related questions to break the ice and spark conversation: “Have you picked out flowers yet?” or “I heard you bought your dress?” or “Can you believe the wedding is only a month away?”
If you make small efforts like this and you feel that she is still aloof and not interested in getting to know you better, then at least you’ll know that you tried and that she’s the one with issues. Once the wedding formalities are over, you have the freedom to avoid hanging out with her. Hopefully, though, her picking you as a bridesmaid is a sign that she does want to get to know you better and become closer.
Do you agree with Susie’s advice? Would you stand-up in someone’s wedding, even if you didn’t like the bride?
Thursday is Thanksgiving, which means you’ve got about 72 hours left to enjoy your slender physique before the onslaught of festive feasting hits and you get fat.
But it doesn’t have to be that way, if you’re up for a challenge. It’s tough to keep your abs taut and your butt eye-poppingly firm when you’re surrounded by turkey smothered in its own gravy, garlic mashed potatoes, carb-lovers stuffing, sugary sweet potato casserole, pumpkin pie with homemade whipped cream, and caramel apple crisp topped with a soft, fluffy scoop of French vanilla ice cream. Just thinking about these foods can make you feel 10 lbs heavier – and that’s just one meal! Here are a few tips that will keep you from looking like a bowlful of jelly come January 1st.
Eat low-fat meals before your Turkey Dinner: From today until Thursday morning, eat low-cal meals in small portions. For breakfast, stick to whole-wheat English muffins with natural peanut butter, or stone-cut oatmeal topped with raisins and skim milk. Salads with lots of veggies and an oil-and-vinegar dressing should do for lunch. Add some grilled chicken if you’re not an herbivore and can’t subsist on greens and more greens. Almonds, low-fat yogurt with granola, and green apples are excellent snack choices if your stomach grumbles between meals. For dinner, stick with grilled fish or chicken, with quinoa or brown rice, and steamed veggies on the side.
Work it, baby!: Working out on the days leading up to your family dinner will give you even more opportunity to pig out on Thursday. Ride your bike for an hour, or do a 40-minute jog, or squeeze in an extra weight-training session at the gym. You’ll increase your cardiovascular endurance and you’ll bank some calories that you can “spend” on that second piece of pie on Thursday.
Portion control: Remember how your grandmother used to say that “your eyes were bigger than your stomach” when you overzealously loaded up your plate with some yummy home cookin’ then left half of it untouched as you doubled-over in pain due to your aching belly? You might want to keep Granny’s mantra in mind when you’re making your plate on Thanksgiving Day. Take small portions of everything – yes, you can taste it all! When you’re done the first serving, pause for a few minutes to let yourself digest and if you’re still hungry afterward and you’re just dying to have a second helping of candied yam soufflé, go for it – this is what all of your pre-Thanksgiving Dinner workouts and low-cal intake allowed you to do, after all. But remember, there’s still dessert!
With all of the emphasis on food and shopping surrounding this holiday, we sometimes forget that it’s about giving thanks and not just about consumption. Be thankful for the body you’ve got by feeding it the proper foods and giving it lots and lots of exercise. These tips will help you do that, while also allowing you to indulge in the tasty foods, for which you are also presumably thankful.
What are your plans for staying healthy and keeping fit this holiday season?
There are so many hot new video games out at the moment; it’s hard to know what to play first. So what do you do when your girlfriend wants to spend some quality time together, but you would rather be racking up XP points on Modern Warfare 2?
How about making date night game night! Convincing her that this is a good idea might be a hard sell, so choose your games wisely. If the first thing she encounters is you shouting down your headset at the 12 year old who just shot you in the face over Xbox Live, she may not last the night.
Obviously the Wii is a good place to start, with its family friendly games and illusion that you may actually be doing some exercise while you play, but, guys, let’s face it – the Wii is for kids, and we need some hardcore gaming action here.
Before you get to the games, avatar creation is a good idea to get your lady more immersed in the gaming world. She will love creating a mini version of herself on Xbox Live and shopping for clothes and accessories on the avatar marketplace. Once this digital foreplay is over, it’s time for the main event. The trick here is to choose a game with strong female characters, but one you will also enjoy playing. Just because she is a girl, doesn’t mean we need to be playing Barbie’s Horse Adventure. Games like Left For Dead and Resident Evil 5 both have strong female characters and are great games to play together. Don’t forget the eye candy either. She will get just as much out of watching Uncharted Nathan Drake‘s biceps pulsing, as we do watching Lara’s butt for hours on end.
Hopefully gaming night will be a success and could become a regular feature on your dating schedule and when the console gets turned off, it doesn’t have to be game over. A new sort of game can start, where all that finger exercise may come in handy!
Don’t cry, girls. No one said that life was fair. We felt the same way after the director of New Moonconfirmed that the pouty leads, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, are in fact dating in real life, unscripted. Enjoy, Kristen! We’ll try not to hate you too much.
Bet you’ve got your New Moon tickets already! Don’t be embarrassed. We’re not here to judge.
I’m curious about New Moon. I suffered through all four books of the over-hyped Twilight series last winter and was quite disappointed, with the exception of the gorgeous male lead, with the first film. It was low budget and rife with cliché teenage angst. Just like the written version. Maybe that’s what some people like about the books, though? So, if the best part of the first film was Robert-as-Edward, then I’m definitely not rushing to see the second film, especially since, in the book anyway, Edward isn’t even around for much of New Moon.
As you’ll remember, the second novel opens with a severely depressed Bella moping around Forks with a perma-frown as she longs for Edward, who is in Italy. And who stays in Italy for most of the story. Except for a few hallucinations in which Bella stupidly puts herself into danger and sees a vision of Edward’s lovely face just when she think she might die (she doesn’t), he’s pretty much M.I.A.
With Edward gone, Bella starts using Jacob (who is actually a werewolf) as her understudy boyfriend. They hang out, go for motorcycle rides. Jacob falls in love. Bella doesn’t. She’s still pining for Edward, even as she and Jacob become more buddy-buddy. It’s not until the end of New Moon that Edward resurfaces again. At least the moviemakers chose a sexy (edit: very sexy) actor to play Jacob. Good move, casting crew. You know us well!
True or false: Based on the New Moon trailers, Jacob looks sexier with his crew cut than with his shoulder-grazing hair? I say “true.” Those abs make our eyes rejoice, too. Lucky girl, that Taylor Swift is, as I’m sure you’ve heard by now that she’s dating the actor who plays Jacob, who also happens to be named Taylor (Lautner).
Also true, it’s kind of weird to date someone who has the same name as you. But in the case of Swift and Lautner, we get to nickname them “TayTay” – and that’s a catchy name we’re definitely into!
I love my boyfriend, but I can’t stand his friends! They’re immature, disrespectful slobs. All they want to do is drink beer and talk about chicks. My boyfriend turns into a different person when they’re around. I don’t want to tell him that he can’t see his friends anymore, but it’s really starting to put a strain on our relationship.
What do I do?
Ally
She Says:
Ah, yes. You’re referring to the Golden Rule of Manhood, which dictates that all men must turn into Neanderthals when their buddies are in the room. It’s like the sweet guy who, just last night, was telling you how much he likes you, has been abducted by aliens and you’re left wondering if he’ll ever return to Earth again.
The best thing to do in this situation is to use your words. Hopefully your dude’s not actually from the Stone Age and has learned the modern communication tools of talking and listening (complex for some males, I know, but not entirely impossible). Tell him how it makes you feel when you’re chilling with him and the guys: “I feel uncomfortable when your friends make inappropriate jokes,” or “I want to hang out with you and the guys, but I feel awkward when they chug beer and talk about porn.”
Don’t be on the attack and point out his friends’ inability to pick up after themselves or the fact that you know 3-year-olds with more maturity, though, because your boyfriend will defend them and possibly turn against you.
Being honest and telling your boyfriend how you feel doesn’t mean that his butthead friends will change their behavior, but if your guy knows how it makes you feel, he might be less inclined to join in on the buffoonery when you’re around.
He Says:
Guys getting together, drinking too much, talking about girls and acting like imbeciles? Yep, that sounds about right. This is what guys do and it’s not hugely different from how a group of girlfriends act when they get together, except there would be more giggling and less knuckle dragging.
Instead of trying to hang out with the guys, let your boyfriend have his “man night”, without having to worry if he’s offending you or preparing for the ear bashing that you’ll launch on him later. Let him get all the immature, jock behavior out of his system, so when he comes home to you, he can revert to that person you like being around. I’m not saying you should sit at home doing needlepoint and waiting for your man to return. Why not get together with your girlfriends for a truly girly night? Just don’t spend the entire night bitching about your boyfriend!
I love my boyfriend, but I can’t stand his friends! They’re immature, disrespectful slobs. All they want to do is drink beer and talk about chicks. My boyfriend turns into a different person when they’re around. I don’t want to tell him that he can’t see his friends anymore, but it’s really starting to put a strain on our relationship.
What do I do?
Ally
She Says:
Ah, yes. You’re referring to the Golden Rule of Manhood, which dictates that all men must turn into Neanderthals when their buddies are in the room. It’s like the sweet guy who, just last night, was telling you how much he likes you, has been abducted by aliens and you’re left wondering if he’ll ever return to Earth again.
The best thing to do in this situation is to use your words. Hopefully your dude’s not actually from the Stone Age and has learned the modern communication tools of talking and listening (complex for some males, I know, but not entirely impossible). Tell him how it makes you feel when you’re chilling with him and the guys: “I feel uncomfortable when your friends make inappropriate jokes,” or “I want to hang out with you and the guys, but I feel awkward when they chug beer and talk about porn.”
Don’t be on the attack and point out his friends’ inability to pick up after themselves or the fact that you know 3-year-olds with more maturity, though, because your boyfriend will defend them and possibly turn against you.
Being honest and telling your boyfriend how you feel doesn’t mean that his butthead friends will change their behavior, but if your guy knows how it makes you feel, he might be less inclined to join in on the buffoonery when you’re around.
He Says:
Guys getting together, drinking too much, talking about girls and acting like imbeciles? Yep, that sounds about right. This is what guys do and it’s not hugely different from how a group of girlfriends act when they get together, except there would be more giggling and less knuckle dragging.
Instead of trying to hang out with the guys, let your boyfriend have his “man night”, without having to worry if he’s offending you or preparing for the ear bashing that you’ll launch on him later. Let him get all the immature, jock behavior out of his system, so when he comes home to you, he can revert to that person you like being around. I’m not saying you should sit at home doing needlepoint and waiting for your man to return. Why not get together with your girlfriends for a truly girly night? Just don’t spend the entire night bitching about your boyfriend!
It’s hard to be smooth and this guy proves it’s especially hard to be smooth on a first date with Dream Girl.
There was this super hot chick in my Biology class. She was seriously the hottest chick I’d seen since I started university.
I spent most of the class staring at her ‘cause I liked her hair and the way she only ever smiled or laughed if something was funny as balls. I tried all of my class-clown tricks and smart-ass jokes to see that laugh, or at least a smile. Nothing worked.
Then one day, I just asked her out. She said yes and I couldn’t speak. I was so pumped and excited. We planned to meet at the campus pub the next night.
I was nervous before our date, so I went early and had some beers. I didn’t want to be drunk when she got there, just something to bring back my cool. I was thinking about what she’d look like in a wet t-shirt when she walked into the pub.
“Hey,” she said.
I tried to step down from my barstool to give her a hug and my legs got caught in the rungs and I nosedived to the ground. I felt so embarrassed. And sore. What a disaster.
But from the ground, I could hear her laughing. I had actually made her laugh! She thought something I did was funny! I would have stayed down there forever if it meant that she would keep laughing. But I wanted to see that smile. So I stood up.
And there it was. Like a prize. A gold medal that I had finally won with an embarrassing fall from a barstool. I looked at her and smiled back and we kept laughing and looking at each other.
“God, that was hilarious,” she said, still smiling.
My prize slipped through the gutter, though. I got cocky, I guess. I was nervous. We were really hitting it off. So I just blurted it out, like a belch:
“You’re so f***ing hot!”
You can imagine it got pretty awkward after that. I know it wasn’t smooth, but I couldn’t stop myself. She stopped laughing and I could see her tense up. Things were going so well, and the mood just changed. We had a drink, and mostly small-talked, but whatever semblance of chemistry I felt between us before was gone. I screwed up. Big time. Go figure.
Phil, 22, Eugene, OR
What would you have done if you were his date? Would you have given him a second chance? Let us know. Maybe it’ll make Phil feel better!
I’m an attractive, 22 year-old guy who is suffering from a severe case of the “you’re too nice” syndrome. If I approach chicks – at a bar, the library, wherever – they usually seem at ease with me and will often engage in conversation. They don’t think I’m some smarmy dude looking to bone them. But when I muster the balls to ask for a number, I always get the “I think we’d be better as friends” line or the girl says that she’s actually just leaving to meet her boyfriend and bolts.
If respecting women, smiling and nodding to show them I’m listening, and opening doors for them is “too nice” then we live in a really effed up world. Matt Damon seems “nice” and he gets laid. Why can’t I?
Help me, please!
Andrew
Andrew, darling,
It’s nice to be nice, but when a guy is too nice, it’s a turn-off for many women.
You’re right – Matt Damon seems like a very nice guy: he uses his celebrity to do charity work, he married a natural, non-Hollywood-type beauty, and he cares about his country’s politics. But the key to his success as a stud is that he’s not too nice. He’s got a sexy, confident swagger and his acting career proves that he’s nobody’s wimp. He seems like the type of guy who would gracefully sweep a gal off her feet and then show her his bedroom throw-down all night long. He can portray himself as a good guy, while still exuding megawatt sex appeal.
Women want a man, not a doormat. And when a guy seems too nice, most women’s internal red flags start flapping as wildly as Joan Rivers’ lips on the red carpet at the Oscars. We want respect, we want to be heard and understood (typical nice-guy behavior), but most of us want our partners to exude airs of confidence and sexual prowess. We want to feel safe around our man, like he would protect us from any dangers that might cross our paths.
I’m not saying that you won’t succeed unless you’re a typical alpha-male, or that you don’t posses any elements of this quality. I’m just saying that if there’s more to you than just being nice (and I’m positive there is), you might be more successful on the dating scene if you show glimmers of this manly ‘tude the next time you chat up a girl, while still showing her that you’re actually a decent guy, too. Blow her mind and prove that you are the embodiment of the desired nice-guy meets warrior.
not even friends. She is cold and stand-offish towards me at family gatherings and I’m always amazed that she and my awesome boyfriend come from the same gene pool. Do I tell my boyfriend that I don’t want to be in his sister’s wedding? Is there any way at all that I could get out of this dreadful obligation?
Thursday is Thanksgiving, which means you’ve got about 72 hours left to enjoy your slender physique before the onslaught of festive feasting hits and you get fat.
There was this super hot chick in my Biology class. She was seriously the hottest chick I’d seen since I started university.
suffering from a severe case of the “you’re too nice” syndrome. If I approach chicks – at a bar, the library, wherever – they usually seem at ease with me and will often engage in conversation. They don’t think I’m some smarmy dude looking to bone them. But when I muster the balls to ask for a number, I always get the “I think we’d be better as friends” line or the girl says that she’s actually just leaving to meet her boyfriend and bolts. 