I’m an attractive, 22 year-old guy who is suffering from a severe case of the “you’re too nice” syndrome. If I approach chicks – at a bar, the library, wherever – they usually seem at ease with me and will often engage in conversation. They don’t think I’m some smarmy dude looking to bone them. But when I muster the balls to ask for a number, I always get the “I think we’d be better as friends” line or the girl says that she’s actually just leaving to meet her boyfriend and bolts.
If respecting women, smiling and nodding to show them I’m listening, and opening doors for them is “too nice” then we live in a really effed up world. Matt Damon seems “nice” and he gets laid. Why can’t I?
Help me, please!
Andrew
Andrew, darling,
It’s nice to be nice, but when a guy is too nice, it’s a turn-off for many women.
You’re right – Matt Damon seems like a very nice guy: he uses his celebrity to do charity work, he married a natural, non-Hollywood-type beauty, and he cares about his country’s politics. But the key to his success as a stud is that he’s not too nice. He’s got a sexy, confident swagger and his acting career proves that he’s nobody’s wimp. He seems like the type of guy who would gracefully sweep a gal off her feet and then show her his bedroom throw-down all night long. He can portray himself as a good guy, while still exuding megawatt sex appeal.
Women want a man, not a doormat. And when a guy seems too nice, most women’s internal red flags start flapping as wildly as Joan Rivers’ lips on the red carpet at the Oscars. We want respect, we want to be heard and understood (typical nice-guy behavior), but most of us want our partners to exude airs of confidence and sexual prowess. We want to feel safe around our man, like he would protect us from any dangers that might cross our paths.
I’m not saying that you won’t succeed unless you’re a typical alpha-male, or that you don’t posses any elements of this quality. I’m just saying that if there’s more to you than just being nice (and I’m positive there is), you might be more successful on the dating scene if you show glimmers of this manly ‘tude the next time you chat up a girl, while still showing her that you’re actually a decent guy, too. Blow her mind and prove that you are the embodiment of the desired nice-guy meets warrior.
Here is our first real-life dating story from a HoN user. Enjoy!
I was out for drinks one Thursday night with a bunch of my girlfriends and there was this really cute guy at the next table. You could tell that he was on a first date and that he so wasn’t into it. His date was good-looking with perky, red curls, but her hotness factor plummeted as soon as she opened her mouth, which never, ever stopped flapping. She literally didn’t stop talking. I don’t think she even stopped to catch her breath. The poor guy looked bored out of his pretty skull.
My friends and I were whispering and laughing about what a horrible first date this was and we felt bad for the cute guy who had clearly been set-up with a dud. I excused myself from the table and went to ask the bartender for a napkin. When I came back to the table I said, “Does anybody have a pen?” We all searched our purses and found just about everything except a writing utensil. A fuchsia lip liner was the best we could do.
“What are you doing?” my friends asked, giggling.
When I finished writing, I slid the paper napkin into the middle of the table so that everyone could take a look. It said “Date not going so hot? Call me if you want to meet up afterwards” and then I put my name and number.
As soon as the hunky guy got up and went to the bathroom, I knew that it was now or never. I took my napkin and purse and went up to the bar like I was going to order another cocktail. I waited patiently for a few minutes and when I saw him exit the men’s room, I made my move.
“Hi,” I said, smiling flirtatiously as I stepped into his path.
“Hello,” he said and before I could say my next sentence, I slipped him the napkin and prayed that the makeup hadn’t smudged when I folded it in half. He opened it and his perfect lips spread into a smile.
He looked up at me, smiled radiantly again, and tucked the love note into his pocket. We hadn’t said anything to each other, but I was confident we had made a connection.
Later that night, my friends and I were dancing at a bar down the street from where we had witnessed the nightmare date scene. My phone buzzed. I had a text and it was from Dream Boy: “Where are you? Matt.” It was like we were already friends – no explanation about how he was the guy from the bar that I had tried to pick up. I texted him back and told him where we were and was so giddy when he said he’d be there in ten minutes. I felt my heart drop (I swear it crashed right through the dance floor) when I saw him appear next to me a few minutes later. He smiled and said hi and I returned the gesture.
Matt and I dated for five months and it was awesome. Things didn’t work out because he was a few years older than me and, as my mom says, we were at “different stages” in our lives. We’re still friends, though, and I’m so glad that I had the guts to take a risk that night, because it definitely paid off.
Seems we’re all obsessed with fame these days. Not everyone gets to live it up in the spotlight, but we can at least pretend for a night, can’t we? Here are five famous couples that you and your honey can dress up as for Halloween.
Bella and Edward (Twilight) – It’s gonna take a crapload of pale cover-up to achieve the milky complexion of the undead Edward and the precise shade of Bella’s “I’m-from-Arizona-but-am-forced-to-live-in-Oregon” pale.
Edward: Mess up your locks and douse them with Dep hair gel and then steal your girlfriend’s hairspray and use all of the remaining goo to make sure that your ‘do retains its disheveled sexiness for the entire evening. Insert fake blood suckers (unless you’ve got a pair of your own). Smear pale foundation (your girlfriend will know what this is) all over your face, hands, and neck. Now, apply glitter to every part of exposed skin and you’ll shine exactly like Edward does when he gets caught in the sun – a rare occasion in the drizzly town of Forks, but if you’ve seen the movie you’ll know what we mean. You can bet your ass that nobody else at the party will have diamond vampire skin.
Bella: Ditto as Edward with the pale make-up. Tousle your hair so that it looks like you haven’t brushed it or washed it in seven days. Wear jeans, a plain t-shirt under a plaid shirt (unbuttoned), an oversized jacket and black, high-top Converse. Now you must pout, pout, pout until your lips hurt from pouting so much that you can’t help but really pout because now you’re sad. If you feel like smiling, ask yourself, “What would Bella do?” and pout!
Kurt and Courtney (Nirvana) – The unstable royal couple of grunge, Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, make for a timeless costume idea.
Kurt: Obviously, greasy blonde locks will be essential here. Hopefully you’ve thought this through and you bleached your hair last month and now you’ve got some sweet rock’n’roll roots. You’ll also need to borrow your grandfather’s favorite fuzzy cardigan and, in Seattle in the early ‘90s there was no such thing as too much plaid, so the same goes with this costume. You’ll need the classic black Chuck Taylors that Kurt worshipped. For props, a cigarette (or candy Popeyes if you’re a nonsmoker) and big buggy plastic sunglasses (we like the red ones!) to hide your bloodshot eyes are all you’ll need.
Courtney: We’re going for Court’s grunge glamour look here: platinum blonde hair with greasy three inch roots. Eyes rimmed with heaps of charcoal liner, heavily smudged. Your pucker will be most accurate if you sloppily apply it with fire-engine red lipstick. A white, low-cut satin dress (get it a bit dirty first) and – you guessed it – a pair of black high-top Cons will give you Courtney’s edgy red-carpet look. Borrow a doll from your younger sister, dress it up like their lovechild Frances Bean, and you’ll have the entire Cobain clan in the house.
Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen (The Sex Pistols) – Into self-destructive bad-asses, but detest ‘90s fashion? Fret not – channel 1970s wild child Sid Vicious and Nancy, his troubled, rebellious girlfriend.
Sid: Dye your hair black and then spike it all around the circumference of your head so that you look like a frightened porcupine. You’d be so hardcore if you went shirtless for this costume (Google Sid and you’ll see why), but if you’re gonna whine about your cold your nipples all night, then please make sure you have a leather jacket on standby to protect your wimpy torso. Wear motorcycle boots, your black drainpipe hipster jeans and a thick chain around your neck with a dangling padlock on it and you’ll look so damn punk that you’ll probably start dressing like this all of the time.
Nancy: Nancy kind of looks like Courtney Love (or should that be the other way around?), except she gets to wear fierce leather pants. But we think Nanc hit the fashion jackpot when she wore a punklamorous outfit of a mini black-and-white striped sweater dress over shredded pantyhose and black pumps. You’ll need from-a-bottle blonde hair that is frizzy and teased to infinity and so much dark shadow around your eyes that they look like two vacuous blackholes. Enter the party with a subtle drugged stupor and people will instantly ask you if Sid’s coming, too.
Wayne and Garth (Wayne’s World) – This is a costume for a party-on couple that could be hilarious if the chick doesn’t mind dressing up as a dude (but Garth kinda looks like a lady, anyway). Excellent!
Wayne: Ingredients: 1 long black wig (with bangs, for best results). 1 black t-shirt (slim fitting, but not douchebag-tight). 1 black trucker hat with a “Wayne’s World” decal (ask your mom to iron it on for you). 1 pair light denim jeans, ripped in both knees. 1 pair black, high-top Converse. 1 toothy grin and a perfected “Schwing. Double-schwing!”
Garth: If you have long blonde hair then you won’t need a wig, just lots of hairspray (and again, preferably bangs. If you don’t have them, cut some. Everyone loves enthusiasm and realism in a Halloween costume). Like Wayne, you’ll need worn, holey jeans and black Converse high-tops. A heavy metal band t-shirt layered under a ratty plaid shirt is all you’ll need in terms of wardrobe. Finish off the look with a pair of thick, horn-rimmed frames and let’s not forget Garth’s awesome chuckle and that awkward, no-top-lip grin.
Marilyn Monroe and JFK (Zombie edition)– Get creative and imagine what Ms. Monroe and JFK would like look if they rose from the dead to recreate their steamy, 1962 affair with a graveyard romp.
JFK: Start with a stately black suit, a skinny tie and a silk hanky to go in the pocket. Now, cut the bottom off the pants unevenly, loosen the tie so that it hangs low from your neck, and wrinkle the hanky. Part your hair on the side and use gel to achieve smoothness fit for a President, then blow it with a hair-dryer to mess it up and add leaves and twigs to it (remember, you’ve just clawed your way out from underground). Zombify your skin to make it look pale, bruised and bloody and replace that famous pearly smile with a pair of false rotten teeth.
Marilyn: Find a glamorous, low-cut dress with a wide skirt. Do your hair in rollers and wear false eyelashes and lots of glam red lipstick. Like your dead lover, you’ll want to add debris from your lawn to your hair and get your dress real dirty and ripped (don’t be too slash-happy though and turn this into yet another opportunity to be an uber-slut on Halloween when you’re an otherwise respectably dressed gal). Get your skin all bloody and bruised, buy the same rotten smile that Johnny Boy has and, remember, Marilyn might be dead, but no one will buy your costume if you don’t perfect her oh-so-signature sexy voice.
We rejoiced last Thursday night at 9:30 when we turned on our TVs and saw Jack Donahgy’s handsome mug welcoming us to season four of our fave school-night comedy fix, 30 Rock. We were relieved that a summer break hardly dulled Liz’s brilliance, or her neuroses, and that Jenna was the same skanky narcissist that she was last season (and still sporting those signature necktie blouses). Frank’s “Disco Fries” hat was righteous and good ol’ Kenneth stood by his gee-golly morals and organized a page strike, refusing to back down until Jack admitted that he was a big fat liar – and put it in writing to boot.
But it was Tracy Jordan, the show’s “talented,” former alcoholic with questionable parenting skills, who made us crack up hard with the realization that he was losing touch with his roots, which was as sobering to him as seeing Jenna doing a pole dance wearing nothing but a cowboy hat. Megastars that are oblivious to the fact that not everyone serves Dom Perignon to their cats and who throw diva tantrums because they can’t make friends with street folk deserve to be laughed at.
Yes ladies, it’s that time again! The temperature is dropping, the store windows are changing and we need to prepare our closets for fall! Magazine racks are filled with a million ‘Trends to Follow this Season’ and you’re left bewildered and confused. Don’t sweat it! We at HOT or NOT have compiled a super list of What’s Hot this fall.
Hello 80’s! : There’s no question; fall 2009 fashion reeks of the 80’s. However, before you dig out those precious pieces from your time capsule, keep a few things in mind. The modern day woman can add a little 80’s to her wardrobe with metallic colors, peplum, sequins or a top with strong shoulders. As for you vintage lovers out there, balance your outfit with old and new; sporting too many 80’s looks may be a little over powering.
Over the Knee Boots: Over the knee boots deserve a section of their own, why? Simply because I love them! I purchased my first pair 2 years ago, and naturally, fell in love. The OTK boot is to fall as the gladiator sandal was to summer, flat, high, whatever material- get them.
Ankle Booties: This is a purchase we guarantee you will not regret. Trade in your sky-high pumps for some sassy booties and you’re feet will be thanking you once temperatures drop.
The Boyfriend Trend: The boyfriend blazer still reigns this fall but don’t you forget about those loose fit button ups, tees and denim- oh my! Oxfords are a fabulous alternative for flats and add spunk to any outfit. As for those wondering how boyfriend jeans will fit into their fall wardrobe, the answer is simple. Pair them with a pair of boots (e.g. lace-up or motorcycle-esque) which begin where the jeans end.
Comfy Knits: Knitted goods are the peak of fashion meet function. Fair Isle sweaters are making a strong comeback alongside saggy hats (as seen in fall 2008) and circular scarves.
Military: Whether you’re a combat boot chick or a military jacket matron, add a little kick to your fall wardrobe with something military inspired!
Leather Legs: Update your legging collection with a pair of Leather/look leggings. They add texture and shine to your outfit without skimping on comfort!
Heavy hardware: This season’s leather and accessories are beefed up with plenty of heavy hardware! Think studs, chains and buckles meet big, bold and beautiful. To achieve this look layer bangles, rings and necklaces, and don’t forget the bigger, the better!
Sheer: As the end of summer approached *sigh*, we were introduced to sheer. If you’re feeling a little insecure about wearing this trend, opt for a garment with sheer accents for equal sex appeal.
Now that we’ve got that settled, one last word of advice; being trendy, age appropriate and accentuating your assets is totally possible! Get out there and shop!
A Star Membership makes it easier to meet people on our site, but there are lots of FREE ways that Basic members can improve their HOT or NOT profile and their overall experience on the site.
Add more photos:It’s totally FREE to add more photos to your HOT or NOT profile! You might look entirely different from one shot to the next and adding more pictures lets people see more aspects of your personality, style, and lifestyle. For example, are you outdoors a lot, or always hanging out at a pub, or constantly snapping shots of yourself while pumping iron?
Beef up your intro:There’s nothing lamer than a profile intro that says “I’ll fill this in later,” or “I have nothing to say.” These intros send a strong message that the user is not serious about meeting people on the site, or sharing things about his/her life, interests, or personality. It might also be interpreted as complacency, or laziness – probably not the message you want to broadcast if you’re actually on the site to meet people.
By popular request, we have recently extended the length of the intros. So, those users who wish to keep things short and sweet (but still captivating!), can certainly do so, while long-winded users now have the freedom to express themselves, without feeling constrained by a 500-word limit.
Poke someone you think is hot:Poking someone is fun, simple, and – best of all – FREE! Poking one of your Double-Matches is a good way to let someone know that you like their profile. If you’re a bit shy, this is a great way to get someone’s attention – even better if you can follow it up with a message.
Send a FREE note to someone:It’s totally FREE for a Basic member to contact a Star Member, since only one person needs to have a paid account to correspond through our messaging feature. But, if you’ve seen a profile of someone you just can’t resist and you’re both Basic members, you can still let them know you think they’re groovy by clicking on the “Send Note” link below their profile picture on your Double-Matches page. One of you will need to purchase a Star Membership if you want the correspondence to continue beyond the initial note (and hopefully you do!), but it’s still a great way to say something nice to someone without spending a dime.
This movie is like a stunning, charismatic brainiac whom everyone expects will excel as an environmental lawyer, or a Nobel Prize winner, or the next Bill Gates (in sky-high Louboutins instead of loafers), but who ends up working in a seedy L.A. agency booking gigs for Elvis impersonators. In other words, we expect that with its fame-packed cast, Couples Retreat will be an entertaining, gut-busting thrill of a show. From what we hear, though, the film fails to live up to its awesomeness potential.
The hook: Jason (Jason Bateman) and his perky, (much) younger wife Cynthia (Kristen Bell) are experiencing some marital bumps. So, they decide that only the idyllic Bora Bora can save their marriage and when they find a resort that specializes in couples counseling, they invite three other couples to join them to get a discounted group rate. The other couples think they’ve scored a cheap ticket to Paradise, but they soon realize they’ve been duped and that participating in the resort’s intensive couples therapy program is mandatory: talk about your emotions, or get voted off the island. What comes to light is that the broken couple who spearheaded the venture isn’t the only duo experiencing previously-unaddressed relationship woes.
Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman, Jon Favreau and Kristen Davis, and Faizon Love and Kali Hawk make up the other three couples. There’s an awkward erotic yoga session with a greasy, Speedo-clad instructor who enthusiastically ensures that his clients get the deepest stretch possible. But didn’t we get over inappropriate beachside hip-thrusting after watching Russell Brand’s raunchy performance in Forgetting Sarah Marshall? While we haven’t actually seen Couples Retreat, we’d bet you a Large popcorn and a bag of M&Ms that the original scene outshines this film’s overly erotic (and cliché) yoga teacher.
The scenery is also very familiar and we’ve seen some of these stars in similar settings in recent years: Kristen Bell in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Malin Akerman in The Heartbreak Kid, and Kristen Davis in the movie version of Sex and the City. It feels like we’ve already seen these marriages fall to pieces and we’ve already laughed at these jokes.
It’s a cruel, cruel world we live in if a cast of quality stars doesn’t guarantee that the movie in which they’re starring is of a certain caliber. All of these actors have flexed their mighty comedy muscles in the past, but it seems they’ve failed to work their magic to create an Old School-quality film. Instead, it looks like this movie is as authentic and creative as a can of Spam.
Go and see it for yourself, though, and then report back with a review on Monday! For your enjoyment, here’s the trailer.
Who said that Halloween is just an excuse for girls to dress like they just walked out of a porno mag? You don’t have to show up to that party as a Playboy bunny (soo unoriginal) just to get attention. You can flaunt what you’ve got with something that’s both original, sexy, and leaves a little bit to the imagination – boys want what they can’t have, right?
1. Firefighter – we know men love a woman in uniform, but this is one that will catch them off-guard. Mess with gender stereotypes and look red-hot in something tight and rubbery. Essential accessory: firefighter helmet, ‘cause you can never be too careful with your locks.
2. Little Red Riding Hood – this classic children’s fairy tale character exudes innocence, but wait until you show the big bad wolf who’s boss. Essential accessory: picnic basket – someone’s gotta bring the goodies for Granny.
3. Warrior/Gladiator – show off your muscles as warrior princess because you’re more badass than all the guys put together. Dirty up the costume and add a few conveniently-placed tears because you’ve just been battling it out (plus, it shows off more skin). Essential accessory: weapons – carry around a spear or knife to show you mean business.
4. Insect – Let’s get over the harmless little bumble bee. Intensify the creepy factor and dress up as a spider or up the whimsy as a dragonfly. Essential accessory: if you’re a spider, bring a web to catch your prey.
5. Decade – Pick a decade and make it come to life (anything but the 80’s, it’s so overdone!). Be a sassy flapper from the 20’s or a perky housewife from the 50’s. Essential accessory: depends on your decade!
6. Alice in Wonderland – Take the cute out of this costume and make it a little stranger if you can find a creative way to reflect the trippy nature of Alice’s story. Essential accessory: rope your posse into dressing up as the Cheshire Cat, Queen of Hearts, Mad Hatter, and White Rabbit.
Tip: for an extra twist to your costume, you can zombie-fy any of these. A zombie housewife in torn, bloody clothes and wielding a kitchen knife should do the trick. And of course, anything can become raunchier if you shorten the skirt a few inches or expose more cleavage (as long as this isn’t your office Halloween party). Time to get creative!
You know something is culturally significant when someone (in this case, two dudes) dedicates an entire book to the subject.
And we think it’s about darn time that Beer Pong – the collegiate house-party staple – gets its moment in the spotlight outside of grimy student kitchens or beer-stained living rooms. Adapted from The Book of Beer Pong, this article demystifies the perfect Beer Pong shot with tips (and handy illustrations!) about the grip, aim, and toss.
The most unforgivable form of social suicide for undergraduates is a Beer Pong toss that constantly misses its bulls-eye, so stop being a chump and embarrassing yourself in front of your buddies and female partiers with your shameful shot. (Please note: Beer Pong might not be an Olympic sport – yet – but the girls will still size up your skills, and then they will automatically assume that this is a reflection of your athletic agility in all other sports, as well.)
Like learning how to knot your own tie without looking like a dufus, or experiencing your first encounter with the fairer sex (“she touched me!”), mastering the Beer-Pong shot is a male rite-of-passage. Don’t screw this up.
Purchasing a Star Membership makes it easier to connect with people (hot single ladies, sexy unattached guys) on HOT or NOT, but it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll instantly amass Double-Matches and find your dream date. A Star Membership is like a toolbox: it offers you useful gadgets that will help you accomplish your goal (meeting a hottie), but it can’t do all the work for you. You need to exert a little effort and creative elbow grease in order to make the most of the perks included in your subscription. You’ve already purchased it, so you might as well use it!
Just Say “Yes”:You’ll increase your chances of getting more Double-Matches if you click “Yes” to lots of profiles in the Meet People section. Obviously, not everyone can be your soul mate, but you can still use HOT or NOT to make new friendships and connections. And remember, just because you said “Yes” to someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that s/he will accept your request; so, clicking “Yes” to lots of people increases your odds, since you may only have success with a couple of them.
HoN Tip: Our new search feature makes it easier for people to meet local singles and find love. Just enter your city or zip code in the location field and select a distance (50 miles, 500 miles, etc.) from the drop-down menu. You can also mix things up and browse profiles from all around the world by entering “Everywhere” instead of a location. This way, you might see a profile from Sydney, one from Johannesburg, and one from San Francisco, all in the same search results.
Send messages to your Half-Matches: So, you’ve clicked “Yes” to a stellar hottie and your profile will now end up in his/her Half-Matches page (where it will anxiously await reciprocity). Why not stand out and send the person a Half-Match message? These are short (250 characters, max) messages that give you an opportunity to let a girl know that she’s caught your attention. But don’t cop out and send the same message to everyone: send personalized messages that let the recipient know who you are and why you are interested in his/her profile. Sure, you’ve got the looks, but people want to get a sense of someone’s personality as well, and this is your chance to let your individuality shine. Make note of her style, or his stunning eyes, or the keywords you both have in common – let that user know that you’ve noticed something unique about him/her and avoid simply pointing out the fact that she’s super-hot, or he’s got tight abs. Be genuine, not generic.
Send a virtual gift: All Star Memberships include a Star Gift Pack, rammed with a variety of e-flowers that you can send to your sweetie. The web version of a tulip might not smell as sweet as the real thing, but it’s still a nice gesture that lets someone know you think s/he’s pretty special.
Stay in touch with your Double-Matches:Once someone has accepted your meet request, you’ll become Double-Matches. Yay! From here, you can start getting to know each other by sending longer messages through our messaging feature. Unlimited messaging is included in all Star Memberships, but, again, be sure to make each message unique and point out some specifics that you liked about his or her profile or pictures. Remember that if you’re a Basic (FREE) member, you can still email your Double-Matches, as long as the other person is a Star Member.
HoN Tip:Don’t include your personal email address in the first message. This is typical spam behavior (you don’t want someone to think you’re a fake!) and people usually like to get to know their Double-Matches on our site before corresponding through their personal email accounts.
suffering from a severe case of the “you’re too nice” syndrome. If I approach chicks – at a bar, the library, wherever – they usually seem at ease with me and will often engage in conversation. They don’t think I’m some smarmy dude looking to bone them. But when I muster the balls to ask for a number, I always get the “I think we’d be better as friends” line or the girl says that she’s actually just leaving to meet her boyfriend and bolts. 
Here is our first real-life dating story from a HoN user. Enjoy!
Seems we’re all obsessed with fame these days. Not everyone gets to live it up in the spotlight, but we can at least pretend for a night, can’t we? Here are five famous couples that you and your honey can dress up as for Halloween.
Purchasing a Star Membership makes it easier to connect with people (hot single ladies, sexy unattached guys) on 