I told him the truth: that I was dating someone and that I didn’t feel comfortable getting tipsy with another guy. I had been dating this guy Chris since the beginning of October and the relationship felt solid. Tristan looked disappointed, but said he understood. I knew that even if I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time, I still probably wouldn’t date Tristan. We were good friends. I liked it that way.

A couple of weeks later, I declared war on Chris when I found out that he had been two-timing me pretty much from the day we hooked up. I won the battle and by Christmas I was single again.

My friends and I had bought tickets for a New Year’s Eve party at a trendy brewery months in advance. Tristan was the first person I saw when I walked into the party. We talked about the final papers that we submitted in December, lame Christmas gifts we received, and our schedules for the upcoming semester. No fake conversation, no shifty eyes. We each grabbed a drink from the bar and then went our separate ways.

I was having a riot dancing with my friends and I kept locking eyes with this tall, burly, blond guy standing nearby. After smiling at him about a hundred times, I finally decided to go over and introduce myself. We talked and flirted and got to know each other better. His name was Pete. He went to school in British Columbia, but was home for Christmas and was out partying with his high school friends.

At one point, I could see Tristan out of the corner of my eye. Was he really walking toward us? And why was he looking at us strangely like that? I tensed up. What did he want? Was he going to embarrass me? Turns out I was in the middle of embarrassing myself.

My jaw fell to the grimy, beer-soaked floor when Tristan and Pete started casually talking to each other – they knew each other? What were the chances?

Not only did Tristan and Pete know each, they grew up on the same street, they spent a summer traveling through South America together, they were practically BFFs. I must have looked like such a floozy, since one month earlier I had told Tristan that I was seeing someone and there I was, snubbing him once again and wanting desperately to snag a kiss from Pete by the time the ball dropped.

I explained myself to Tristan (“I really did have a boyfriend then!”) and Pete (“I really am single now!”) and everyone seemed ok with it in the end. Pete and I kissed at midnight – which led to more kissing after midnight, too – but I didn’t see him again after that. Tristan and I were still kind of friends at school, but things were definitely different during second semester. Thankfully, for both of us, he didn’t set himself up for further rejection by asking me out again.

Scarlett, 23, Toronto

Have you ever been in a sticky situation like this? What did you do?

Got  your own hilarious, heart-breaking, or horrifying real life dating story? Send it to us. We’d love to hear it!

I told him the truth: that I was dating someone and that I didn’t feel comfortable getting tipsy with another guy. I had been dating this guy Chris since the beginning of October and the relationship felt solid. Tristan looked disappointed, but said he understood. I knew that even if I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time, I still probably wouldn’t date Tristan. We were good friends. I liked it that way.

A couple of weeks later, I declared war on Chris when I found out that he had been two-timing me pretty much from the day we hooked up. I won the battle and by Christmas I was single again.

My friends and I had bought tickets for a New Year’s Eve party at a trendy brewery months in advance. Tristan was the first person I saw when I walked into the party. We talked about the final papers that we submitted in December, lame Christmas gifts we received, and our schedules for the upcoming semester. No fake conversation, no shifty eyes. We each grabbed a drink from the bar and then went our separate ways.

I was having a riot dancing with my friends and I kept locking eyes with this tall, burly, blond guy standing nearby. After smiling at him about a hundred times, I finally decided to go over and introduce myself. We talked and flirted and got to know each other better. His name was Pete. He went to school in British Columbia, but was home for Christmas and was out partying with his high school friends.

At one point, I could see Tristan out of the corner of my eye. Was he really walking toward us? And why was he looking at us strangely like that? I tensed up. What did he want? Was he going to embarrass me? Turns out I was in the middle of embarrassing myself.

My jaw fell to the grimy, beer-soaked floor when Tristan and Pete started casually talking to each other – they knew each other? What were the chances?

Not only did Tristan and Pete know each, they grew up on the same street, they spent a summer traveling through South America together, they were practically BFFs. I must have looked like such a floozy, since one month earlier I had told Tristan that I was seeing someone and there I was, snubbing him once again and wanting desperately to snag a kiss from Pete by the time the ball dropped.

I explained myself to Tristan (“I really did have a boyfriend then!”) and Pete (“I really am single now!”) and everyone seemed ok with it in the end. Pete and I kissed at midnight – which led to more kissing after midnight, too – but I didn’t see him again after that. Tristan and I were still kind of friends at school, but things were definitely different during second semester. Thankfully, for both of us, he didn’t set himself up for further rejection by asking me out again.

Scarlett, 23, Toronto

Have you ever been in a sticky situation like this? What did you do?

Got  your own hilarious, heart-breaking, or horrifying real life dating story? Send it to us. We’d love to hear it!

Hey guys,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and everything’s been going great, in fact better than great, I’m hearing wedding bells.  Last week however, I heard bells of a different kind, alarm bells! I walked in on my boyfriend wearing a polka dot dress and admiring himself in the mirror. Now I have always considered myself open-minded, but this really shocked me. We haven’t really spoken about it since and things are very uncomfortable.  I don’t know what to say to him and I’m not sure if I could be with a guy who dresses up in outfits my mother wouldn’t even wear. What should I do?

Dayna

He says:

Now I’ve never dressed up in women’s clothing. Well, OK, there was that one time my girlfriend thought it would be “funny” to see me in her under things. That ended badly because they fit me better than they did her and somehow that meant I had called her fat. Anyway, your boyfriend is probably feeling embarrassed and scared just like you are. The longer you leave it without talking, the worse it’s going to get. So get chatty.

You both need to know where you stand. You need to know if his cross-dressing extends into other pursuits, but just because he gets a kick from polka dots, doesn’t mean he is gay, or wants to be a woman. If this is something he needs in his life, you have to decide if you can accept it. You say the relationship was going well before this happened and that you are open minded, so perhaps you can work through this. In the end you’ll get a great boyfriend that actually wants to go shopping with you! Maybe you’ll even be able to get him out of mum dresses and into something more fashionable. Just don’t get mad if he looks better in your clothes than you do. Right, I think you have a boyfriend to talk to, off you go.

She says:

I hate it to admit it, but what he says is right. You gotta talk to the dude and discuss the giant polka-dotted elephant in the room. He’s probably feeling a tad sheepish about the whole thing and doesn’t know how to bring it up. Once you make him realize that you’re up for talking about this,  hopefully he’ll open up about the incident and tell you how dressing up like Great Aunt Mildred makes him feel and why he does/did it. It will be easier to sort out your feelings once you’ve heard his side of the story.

Have you ever heard the expression “The groom was prettier than the bride”? Sounds to me like this could be the general impression at your hypothetical wedding. Personally, I like being the girlie one in a relationship and don’t want to feel like my man and I are contestants in a beauty pageant every time we hang out. I want my boyfriend to like the way that I look in lingerie, not to wish that he had a matching set! If you’re not as vain as me and you’re willing to risk being upstaged by your cross-dressing boyfriend, then go for it, girl! They say that love conquers all and if you’re sure this is the guy for you, then stand by your man. Sounds, though, like you might wanna sit him down for an episode or two of What Not to Wear.

What would you do if you were in Dayna’s shoes?

My boyfriend’s sister is getting married next summer and she asked me to be in her wedding party. I have no idea why, though, because we’re not even friends. She is cold and stand-offish towards me at family gatherings and I’m always amazed that she and my awesome boyfriend come from the same gene pool. Do I tell my boyfriend that I don’t want to be in his sister’s wedding? Is there any way at all that I could get out of this dreadful obligation?

Save me from this bridesmaid Hell!

Monica, New York, NY

Here’s the short answer, Monica: If you want to keep dating your boyfriend, the only way you can shirk this gig is if you’re giving birth, undergoing emergency surgery, or dead on the day of his sister’s wedding. Depending on how serious you and your honey are, you might be part of this family one day, so you don’t want to go around hurting people’s feelings and stirring up drama.

You’re right that in this situation, it feels more like a duty than an honor to be part of someone’s special day. But there are times in life when we suck it up and do things not for ourselves, but for the people whom we love and care about. You can tell your boyfriend that you were surprised that his sister chose you as a bridesmaid, since you don’t feel very close with her, but it might upset him or cause some awkwardness if you just blurt out that you don’t like her and would rather drag razorblades across your eyeballs than be in her wedding party.

I tend to concentrate on the positive in these situations. There will likely be showers, a Stag and Doe, a bachelorette bash, and maybe even a lingerie party between now and the dreaded wedding. These gatherings will give you ample opportunity to spend more time with the bride-to-be and hopefully you’ll get to know each other better. Put the focus on her and ask wedding-related questions to break the ice and spark conversation: “Have you picked out flowers yet?” or “I heard you bought your dress?” or “Can you believe the wedding is only a month away?”

If you make small efforts like this and you feel that she is still aloof and not interested in getting to know you better, then at least you’ll know that you tried and that she’s the one with issues. Once the wedding formalities are over, you have the freedom to avoid hanging out with her. Hopefully, though, her picking you as a bridesmaid is a sign that she does want to get to know you better and become closer.

Do you agree with Susie’s advice? Would you stand-up in someone’s wedding, even if you didn’t like the bride?

My boyfriend’s sister is getting married next summer and she asked me to be in her wedding party. I have no idea why, though, because we’re not even friends. She is cold and stand-offish towards me at family gatherings and I’m always amazed that she and my awesome boyfriend come from the same gene pool. Do I tell my boyfriend that I don’t want to be in his sister’s wedding? Is there any way at all that I could get out of this dreadful obligation?

Save me from this bridesmaid Hell!

Monica, New York, NY

Here’s the short answer, Monica: If you want to keep dating your boyfriend, the only way you can shirk this gig is if you’re giving birth, undergoing emergency surgery, or dead on the day of his sister’s wedding. Depending on how serious you and your honey are, you might be part of this family one day, so you don’t want to go around hurting people’s feelings and stirring up drama.

You’re right that in this situation, it feels more like a duty than an honor to be part of someone’s special day. But there are times in life when we suck it up and do things not for ourselves, but for the people whom we love and care about. You can tell your boyfriend that you were surprised that his sister chose you as a bridesmaid, since you don’t feel very close with her, but it might upset him or cause some awkwardness if you just blurt out that you don’t like her and would rather drag razorblades across your eyeballs than be in her wedding party.

I tend to concentrate on the positive in these situations. There will likely be showers, a Stag and Doe, a bachelorette bash, and maybe even a lingerie party between now and the dreaded wedding. These gatherings will give you ample opportunity to spend more time with the bride-to-be and hopefully you’ll get to know each other better. Put the focus on her and ask wedding-related questions to break the ice and spark conversation: “Have you picked out flowers yet?” or “I heard you bought your dress?” or “Can you believe the wedding is only a month away?”

If you make small efforts like this and you feel that she is still aloof and not interested in getting to know you better, then at least you’ll know that you tried and that she’s the one with issues. Once the wedding formalities are over, you have the freedom to avoid hanging out with her. Hopefully, though, her picking you as a bridesmaid is a sign that she does want to get to know you better and become closer.

Do you agree with Susie’s advice? Would you stand-up in someone’s wedding, even if you didn’t like the bride?

There are so many hot new video games out at the moment; it’s hard to know what to play first. So what do you do when your girlfriend wants to spend some quality time together, but you would rather be racking up XP points on Modern Warfare 2?

How about making date night game night! Convincing her that this is a good idea might be a hard sell, so choose your games wisely. If the first thing she encounters is you shouting down your headset at the 12 year old who just shot you in the face over Xbox Live, she may not last the night.

Obviously the Wii is a good place to start, with its family friendly games and illusion that you may actually be doing some exercise while you play, but, guys, let’s face it – the Wii is for kids, and we need some hardcore gaming action here.

Before you get to the games, avatar creation is a good idea to get your lady more immersed in the gaming world. She will love creating a mini version of herself on Xbox Live and shopping for clothes and accessories on the avatar marketplace.  Once this digital foreplay is over, it’s time for the main event. The trick here is to choose a game with strong female characters, but one you will also enjoy playing. Just because she is a girl, doesn’t mean we need to be playing Barbie’s Horse Adventure. Games like Left For Dead and Resident Evil 5 both have strong female characters and are great games to play together. Don’t forget the eye candy either. She will get just as much out of watching Uncharted Nathan Drake‘s biceps pulsing, as we do watching Lara’s butt for hours on end.

Hopefully gaming night will be a success and could become a regular feature on your dating schedule and when the console gets turned off, it doesn’t have to be game over. A new sort of game can start, where all that finger exercise may come in handy!

Hi guys,

I love my boyfriend, but I can’t stand his friends! They’re immature, disrespectful slobs. All they want to do is drink beer and talk about chicks. My boyfriend turns into a different person when they’re around. I don’t want to tell him that he can’t see his friends anymore, but it’s really starting to put a strain on our relationship.

What do I do?

Ally

She Says:

Ah, yes. You’re referring to the Golden Rule of Manhood, which dictates that all men must turn into Neanderthals when their buddies are in the room. It’s like the sweet guy who, just last night, was telling you how much he likes you, has been abducted by aliens and you’re left wondering if he’ll ever return to Earth again.

The best thing to do in this situation is to use your words. Hopefully your dude’s not actually from the Stone Age and has learned the modern communication tools of talking and listening (complex for some males, I know, but not entirely impossible). Tell him how it makes you feel when you’re chilling with him and the guys: “I feel uncomfortable when your friends make inappropriate jokes,” or “I want to hang out with you and the guys, but I feel awkward when they chug beer and talk about porn.”

Don’t be on the attack and point out his friends’ inability to pick up after themselves or the fact that you know 3-year-olds with more maturity, though, because your boyfriend will defend them and possibly turn against you.

Being honest and telling your boyfriend how you feel doesn’t mean that his butthead friends will change their behavior, but if your guy knows how it makes you feel, he might be less inclined to join in on the buffoonery when you’re around.

He Says:

Guys getting together, drinking too much, talking about girls and acting like imbeciles? Yep, that sounds about right. This is what guys do and it’s not hugely different from how a group of girlfriends act when they get together, except there would be more giggling and less knuckle dragging.

Instead of trying to hang out with the guys, let your boyfriend have his “man night”, without having to worry if he’s offending you  or preparing for the ear bashing that you’ll launch on him later. Let him get all the immature, jock behavior out of his system, so when he comes home to you, he can revert to that person you like being around. I’m not saying you should sit at home doing needlepoint and waiting for your man to return. Why not get together with your girlfriends for a truly girly night? Just don’t spend the entire night bitching about your boyfriend!

What would YOU do?

Hi guys,

I love my boyfriend, but I can’t stand his friends! They’re immature, disrespectful slobs. All they want to do is drink beer and talk about chicks. My boyfriend turns into a different person when they’re around. I don’t want to tell him that he can’t see his friends anymore, but it’s really starting to put a strain on our relationship.

What do I do?

Ally

She Says:

Ah, yes. You’re referring to the Golden Rule of Manhood, which dictates that all men must turn into Neanderthals when their buddies are in the room. It’s like the sweet guy who, just last night, was telling you how much he likes you, has been abducted by aliens and you’re left wondering if he’ll ever return to Earth again.

The best thing to do in this situation is to use your words. Hopefully your dude’s not actually from the Stone Age and has learned the modern communication tools of talking and listening (complex for some males, I know, but not entirely impossible). Tell him how it makes you feel when you’re chilling with him and the guys: “I feel uncomfortable when your friends make inappropriate jokes,” or “I want to hang out with you and the guys, but I feel awkward when they chug beer and talk about porn.”

Don’t be on the attack and point out his friends’ inability to pick up after themselves or the fact that you know 3-year-olds with more maturity, though, because your boyfriend will defend them and possibly turn against you.

Being honest and telling your boyfriend how you feel doesn’t mean that his butthead friends will change their behavior, but if your guy knows how it makes you feel, he might be less inclined to join in on the buffoonery when you’re around.

He Says:

Guys getting together, drinking too much, talking about girls and acting like imbeciles? Yep, that sounds about right. This is what guys do and it’s not hugely different from how a group of girlfriends act when they get together, except there would be more giggling and less knuckle dragging.

Instead of trying to hang out with the guys, let your boyfriend have his “man night”, without having to worry if he’s offending you  or preparing for the ear bashing that you’ll launch on him later. Let him get all the immature, jock behavior out of his system, so when he comes home to you, he can revert to that person you like being around. I’m not saying you should sit at home doing needlepoint and waiting for your man to return. Why not get together with your girlfriends for a truly girly night? Just don’t spend the entire night bitching about your boyfriend!

What would YOU do?

I’m an attractive, 22 year-old guy who is suffering from a severe case of the “you’re too nice” syndrome. If I approach chicks – at a bar, the library, wherever – they usually seem at ease with me and will often engage in conversation. They don’t think I’m some smarmy dude looking to bone them. But when I muster the balls to ask for a number, I always get the “I think we’d be better as friends” line or the girl says that she’s actually just leaving to meet her boyfriend and bolts.

If respecting women, smiling and nodding to show them I’m listening, and opening doors for them is “too nice” then we live in a really effed up world. Matt Damon seems “nice” and he gets laid. Why can’t I?

Help me, please!

Andrew

Andrew, darling,

It’s nice to be nice, but when a guy is too nice, it’s a turn-off for many women.

You’re right – Matt Damon seems like a very nice guy: he uses his celebrity to do charity work, he married a natural, non-Hollywood-type beauty, and he cares about his country’s politics. But the key to his success as a stud is that he’s not too nice. He’s got a sexy, confident swagger and his acting career proves that he’s nobody’s wimp. He seems like the type of guy who would gracefully sweep a gal off her feet and then show her his bedroom throw-down all night long. He can portray himself as a good guy, while still exuding megawatt sex appeal.

Women want a man, not a doormat. And when a guy seems too nice, most women’s internal red flags start flapping as wildly as Joan Rivers’ lips on the red carpet at the Oscars. We want respect, we want to be heard and understood (typical nice-guy behavior), but most of us want our partners to exude airs of confidence and sexual prowess. We want to feel safe around our man, like he would protect us from any dangers that might cross our paths.

I’m not saying that you won’t succeed unless you’re a typical alpha-male, or that you don’t posses any elements of this quality. I’m just saying that if there’s more to you than just being nice (and I’m positive there is), you might be more successful on the dating scene if you show glimmers of this manly ‘tude the next time you chat up a girl, while still showing her that you’re actually a decent guy, too. Blow her mind and prove that you are the embodiment of the desired nice-guy meets warrior.

Good luck!

Susie