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Dating Advice: Poor Mr. Nice Guy

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Dear Sexy Susie,

I’m an attractive, 22 year-old guy who is suffering from a severe case of the “you’re too nice” syndrome. If I approach chicks – at a bar, the library, wherever – they usually seem at ease with me and will often engage in conversation. They don’t think I’m some smarmy dude looking to bone them. But when I muster the balls to ask for a number, I always get the “I think we’d be better as friends” line or the girl says that she’s actually just leaving to meet her boyfriend and bolts.

If respecting women, smiling and nodding to show them I’m listening, and opening doors for them is “too nice” then we live in a really effed up world. Matt Damon seems “nice” and he gets laid. Why can’t I?

Help me, please!

Andrew

Andrew, darling,

It’s nice to be nice, but when a guy is too nice, it’s a turn-off for many women.

You’re right – Matt Damon seems like a very nice guy: he uses his celebrity to do charity work, he married a natural, non-Hollywood-type beauty, and he cares about his country’s politics. But the key to his success as a stud is that he’s not too nice. He’s got a sexy, confident swagger and his acting career proves that he’s nobody’s wimp. He seems like the type of guy who would gracefully sweep a gal off her feet and then show her his bedroom throw-down all night long. He can portray himself as a good guy, while still exuding megawatt sex appeal.

Women want a man, not a doormat. And when a guy seems too nice, most women’s internal red flags start flapping as wildly as Joan Rivers’ lips on the red carpet at the Oscars. We want respect, we want to be heard and understood (typical nice-guy behavior), but most of us want our partners to exude airs of confidence and sexual prowess. We want to feel safe around our man, like he would protect us from any dangers that might cross our paths.

I’m not saying that you won’t succeed unless you’re a typical alpha-male, or that you don’t posses any elements of this quality. I’m just saying that if there’s more to you than just being nice (and I’m positive there is), you might be more successful on the dating scene if you show glimmers of this manly ‘tude the next time you chat up a girl, while still showing her that you’re actually a decent guy, too. Blow her mind and prove that you are the embodiment of the desired nice-guy meets warrior.

Good luck!

Susie

No Guts, No Glory

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

Here is our first real-life dating story from a HoN user. Enjoy!

I was out for drinks one Thursday night with a bunch of my girlfriends and there was this really cute guy at the next table. You could tell that he was on a first date and that he so wasn’t into it. His date was good-looking with perky, red curls, but her hotness factor plummeted as soon as she opened her mouth, which never, ever stopped flapping. She literally didn’t stop talking. I don’t think she even stopped to catch her breath. The poor guy looked bored out of his pretty skull.

My friends and I were whispering and laughing about what a horrible first date this was and we felt bad for the cute guy who had clearly been set-up with a dud. I excused myself from the table and went to ask the bartender for a napkin. When I came back to the table I said, “Does anybody have a pen?” We all searched our purses and found just about everything except a writing utensil. A fuchsia lip liner was the best we could do.

“What are you doing?” my friends asked, giggling.

When I finished writing, I slid the paper napkin into the middle of the table so that everyone could take a look. It said “Date not going so hot? Call me if you want to meet up afterwards” and then I put my name and number.

As soon as the hunky guy got up and went to the bathroom, I knew that it was now or never. I took my napkin and purse and went up to the bar like I was going to order another cocktail. I waited patiently for a few minutes and when I saw him exit the men’s room, I made my move.

“Hi,” I said, smiling flirtatiously as I stepped into his path.

“Hello,” he said and before I could say my next sentence, I slipped him the napkin and prayed that the makeup hadn’t smudged when I folded it in half. He opened it and his perfect lips spread into a smile.

He looked up at me, smiled radiantly again, and tucked the love note into his pocket. We hadn’t said anything to each other, but I was confident we had made a connection.

Later that night, my friends and I were dancing at a bar down the street from where we had witnessed the nightmare date scene. My phone buzzed. I had a text and it was from Dream Boy: “Where are you? Matt.” It was like we were already friends – no explanation about how he was the guy from the bar that I had tried to pick up. I texted him back and told him where we were and was so giddy when he said he’d be there in ten minutes. I felt my heart drop (I swear it crashed right through the dance floor) when I saw him appear next to me a few minutes later. He smiled and said hi and I returned the gesture.

Matt and I dated for five months and it was awesome. Things didn’t work out because he was a few years older than me and, as my mom says, we were at “different stages” in our lives. We’re still friends, though, and I’m so glad that I had the guts to take a risk that night, because it definitely paid off.

Lindsay, 23, from Madison, WI

Would you have the guts to do what Lindsay did?

Tips for Basic Members

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

A Star Membership makes it easier to meet people on our site, but there are lots of FREE ways that Basic members can improve their HOT or NOT profile and their overall experience on the site.

Add more photos: It’s totally FREE to add more photos to your HOT or NOT profile! You might look entirely different from one shot to the next and adding more pictures lets people see more aspects of your personality, style, and lifestyle. For example, are you outdoors a lot, or always hanging out at a pub, or constantly snapping shots of yourself while pumping iron?

Beef up your intro: There’s nothing lamer than a profile intro that says “I’ll fill this in later,” or “I have nothing to say.” These intros send a strong message that the user is not serious about meeting people on the site, or sharing things about his/her life, interests, or personality. It might also be interpreted as complacency, or laziness – probably not the message you want to broadcast if you’re actually on the site to meet people.

By popular request, we have recently extended the length of the intros. So, those users who wish to keep things short and sweet (but still captivating!), can certainly do so, while long-winded users now have the freedom to express themselves, without feeling constrained by a 500-word limit.

Poke someone you think is hot: Poking someone is fun, simple, and – best of all – FREE! Poking one of your Double-Matches is a good way to let someone know that you like their profile. If you’re a bit shy, this is a great way to get someone’s attention – even better if you can follow it up with a message.

Send a FREE note to someone: It’s totally FREE for a Basic member to contact a Star Member, since only one person needs to have a paid account to correspond through our messaging feature. But, if you’ve seen a profile of someone you just can’t resist and you’re both Basic members, you can still let them know you think they’re groovy by clicking on the “Send Note” link below their profile picture on your Double-Matches page. One of you will need to purchase a Star Membership if you want the correspondence to continue beyond the initial note (and hopefully you do!), but it’s still a great way to say something nice to someone without spending a dime.

How to Make the Most of your Star Membership

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Purchasing a Star Membership makes it easier to connect with people (hot single ladies, sexy unattached guys) on HOT or NOT, but it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll instantly amass Double-Matches and find your dream date. A Star Membership is like a toolbox: it offers you useful gadgets that will help you accomplish your goal (meeting a hottie), but it can’t do all the work for you. You need to exert a little effort and creative elbow grease in order to make the most of the perks included in your subscription. You’ve already purchased it, so you might as well use it!

Just Say “Yes”: You’ll increase your chances of getting more Double-Matches if you click “Yes” to lots of profiles in the Meet People section. Obviously, not everyone can be your soul mate, but you can still use HOT or NOT to make new friendships and connections. And remember, just because you said “Yes” to someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that s/he will accept your request; so, clicking “Yes” to lots of people increases your odds, since you may only have success with a couple of them.

HoN Tip: Our new search feature makes it easier for people to meet local singles and find love. Just enter your city or zip code in the location field and select a distance (50 miles, 500 miles, etc.) from the drop-down menu. You can also mix things up and browse profiles from all around the world by entering “Everywhere” instead of a location. This way, you might see a profile from Sydney, one from Johannesburg, and one from San Francisco, all in the same search results.

Send messages to your Half-Matches: So, you’ve clicked “Yes” to a stellar hottie and your profile will now end up in his/her Half-Matches page (where it will anxiously await reciprocity). Why not stand out and send the person a Half-Match message? These are short (250 characters, max) messages that give you an opportunity to let a girl know that she’s caught your attention. But don’t cop out and send the same message to everyone: send personalized messages that let the recipient know who you are and why you are interested in his/her profile. Sure, you’ve got the looks, but people want to get a sense of someone’s personality as well, and this is your chance to let your individuality shine. Make note of her style, or his stunning eyes, or the keywords you both have in common – let that user know that you’ve noticed something unique about him/her and avoid simply pointing out the fact that she’s super-hot, or he’s got tight abs. Be genuine, not generic.

Send a virtual gift: All Star Memberships include a Star Gift Pack, rammed with a variety of e-flowers that you can send to your sweetie. The web version of a tulip might not smell as sweet as the real thing, but it’s still a nice gesture that lets someone know you think s/he’s pretty special.

Stay in touch with your Double-Matches: Once someone has accepted your meet request, you’ll become Double-Matches. Yay! From here, you can start getting to know each other by sending longer messages through our messaging feature. Unlimited messaging is included in all Star Memberships, but, again, be sure to make each message unique and point out some specifics that you liked about his or her profile or pictures. Remember that if you’re a Basic (FREE) member, you can still email your Double-Matches, as long as the other person is a Star Member.

HoN Tip: Don’t include your personal email address in the first message. This is typical spam behavior (you don’t want someone to think you’re a fake!) and people usually like to get to know their Double-Matches on our site before corresponding through their personal email accounts.

Good luck!

7 Date Ideas That Won’t Break the Bank

Friday, September 18th, 2009

Yes, it’s true – women love to be wined and dined , but these are tough times we live in and just because you have an active dating life doesn’t mean you should be emptying your bank account to keep up with it. So, don’t knock freebie dates. Here are a few ideas for dates sure to impress that girl (or guy!) at absolutely zero cost and make recession dating a breeze.

• Picnic. It’s classic, simple, and can work in a variety of settings, from a park, to the beach, to a rooftop. If you can get creative with the food that’s already in your fridge and pick your lady some wild flowers instead of splurging on a bouquet from the store, you’ll have a romantic date and your wallet will be untouched.
• Check local listings for things like free movie screenings or festivals and events that may be taking place in the city. There’s nothing like walking the streets in good weather and people-watching to talk and enjoy each others’ company.

• Weather-permitting, head to the beach or pool for a swim. Ok, let’s not beat around the bush. The real motive for this one is that you’ll get to see your date in her bikini. Enough said. Bring along a kite, if you’re feeling extra whimsical.
• Many museums have designated times when admission is free. Check the websites of your local museums to see if there are admission-free days and surprise your date with a visit to the new Postmodernism exhibit (plus, you’ll totally score points by showing off how cultured you are).
• Cook dinner together. Aside from being a great activity for getting to know each other, if you can cook dinner with staples that are already sure to be in your kitchen (pasta and vegetables that will inevitably go bad in a few days if you don’t use them). You get to whip up a free meal, impress your date with your improvisational cooking skills, and rescue those veggies from a fate of rotting away at the bottom of your fridge.
• Go for a hike – nothing too hardcore that requires anything more than a good pair of sneakers (maybe we should call it a “stroll in the woods” instead). Enjoy nature, and get some fresh air and exercise.
• If it’s already dark out and you’re looking for something to do, grab a blanket and head to the nearest field for some stargazing. Apart from being completely romantic, it’s also completely free, and some intimate conversations are bound to arise.
• Have a quiet night in. There’s no shortage of activities you can do at home for absolutely zero dollars. Watch a DVD, play video games, play board games, or channel your inner kid and build a fort out of pillows (great for making out in). Just because you’re chilling out doesn’t mean you can’t make a great, free date of it.

Can you add any other favorite freebie date ideas?

First Date Don’ts (Girls’ Edition)

Monday, September 14th, 2009

We know how stressful a first date can be. The nerve-wracking, anxiety-inducing few of hours leading up to the big meeting can be a lot to handle. Whether it’s a blind date or someone with whom you’ve had building chemistry for weeks or even months, we all want to make a positive first impression. Here’s a list of things that you should avoid on a first date to make sure you impress that man.

• This should go without saying, but don’t scrimp on dolling yourself up. Looking good will help you feel good about yourself, and that confidence boost is sure to translate into a more enjoyable and relaxed first date. Of course, if this guy already knows that you’re a HOT or NOT 10, then you’ve got nothing to worry about.
• Ladies, you may be nervous, but you need to cool it with the 3^rd degree. This is a casual date, not a job interview. Put aside your list of questions (because does it really matter yet where he sees himself ten years from now?), relax, and he’ll get a much more accurate idea of what you’re about.
• Whether or not you’re the most die-hard believer in astrology, forget the fact that you’re a Taurus and he’s an Aquarius and that you two are meant to be. To be safe, you’re best off not talking signs. Guys tend to think it’s a bit nutty.
• Never tell your date how much you like him. There’s no better way to scare them off (except maybe talking about your exes and delving into past relationships).
• Monitor your alcohol intake. There’s nothing like a little social lubricant to ease things along on the first date, but if you know you’re a light-weight, things could take a disastrous turn if you overdo it with the vodka tonics. Just keep your eye on it, that’s all we’re sayin’.
• At the end of the night, no matter how well the date goes and how much tension there is, don’t invite him over, and don’t accept any invitations to his place, because we know how things will end. Kiss him on the cheek and book it for home! You’re looking to building a lasting relationship (unless, you know, you’re not – then you have our blessing to tap that).

Now that you’ve read this refresher, you’re going to knock that man out and leave him wanting more after date one. Hopefully he’s brushed up on his first date don’ts. Do you ladies have any other first date tips to share? Leave a comment!

First Date Don’ts (Guys Edition)

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

So, you’ve mastered breaking the ice – a special someone on HOT or NOT caught your eye and one message lead to another, and then another, and before you knew it, you were talking on the phone. Several conversations later, you were arranging to meet, and now that day is approaching. In fact, it’s tomorrow. You’ve been practicing the slow, sexy smile you’re going to flash at her when she walks in the door of the restaurant…and we’ll leave the rest to your over-active imagination.

Even though you can feel that you two will hit it off without a hitch, you want to be sure things will go smoothly and review some first-date etiquette. So, how about a handy list of things to avoid on a first date to increase your chances of impressing that lady? Here are some no-brainers:

• Be yourself. Seems obvious enough, but if your date says she loves shaking her booty to Lady Gaga at the club and you despise the club scene, you’re only digging your own grave if you claim that the club is your hang-out every Saturday night (and that “Poker Face” is your jam) just for the sake of impressing her. Next thing you know, she’ll be pulling you onto the dance floor on the unforeseen Part 2 of your date.

• Confidence is key. It’s okay to be a little self-deprecating for a laugh, but if you don’t think you’re good enough, then why is your date supposed to?

• You’ve learned some standard personal grooming and hygiene skills over the years. Put them to good use.
• Keep the conversation light. Unless you’ve already gotten very personal, you’re best off sticking to airy topics such as likes, dislikes, and hobbies. Spilling your guts about your anxieties or traumatic past experiences is a sure way to scare a girl off. All of that will come in good time.
• Don’t only talk about yourself. Focus your attention on your date.
• In a similar vein, this one should go without saying – never talk about your exes! Nothing will make a girl more uncomfortable than feeling like she’s being compared to an old flame.
• Use good manners. Self-explanatory. All girls watch for it, and manners will score you points in her eyes.
• This may sound old fashioned, but gentlemen, be prepared to pay for the date! No matter who asked whom out, it’s a classy move. However, we do live in a progressive society, so if the lady insists on paying her way, or even for everything if she instigated the date, then let her do so. Still, be sure that you at least offer.

Hopefully these hints get you off to a good start, but here’s the ultimate “don’t” to keep in mind: don’t do or say anything that isn’t genuine just to impress a girl, because it could very well turn into a bad date experience for you (like when she suggests bungee jumping as a plan for next weekend). If the chemistry you felt while chatting online is there in person, just be yourself and you’ll be golden.

Ladies, don’t think you’re off the hook – a specialized list of “don’ts” is coming at you.

Have you ever been turned off by your date’s behavior the first time you go out? Leave your essential first date don’ts in the comments!

Find us on Facebook

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

BECOME A FAN OF HOT OR NOT ON FACEBOOK!

Join our fan page for the latest news, hottest tips and to talk to other HOT or NOT Fans….

Check it out now and tell all your friends too. Rock on.

HOT or NOT Facebook App. Hotter then ever!

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

FACEBOOK APP HOTTER THEN EVER!

Great news! (and it’s about time …) We’ve TOTALLY redesigned the HOT or NOT App!

Improved graphics. Improved search. Totally new look. Now, you can rate and meet hotties on Facebook as easy as 1,2,3.

Check it out now and then invite your friends to join in all the fun too.

Enjoy. Have fun.

The HOT or NOT Team

Meeting Women on HOT or NOT

Thursday, January 15th, 2009

Alright, guys. Check it out. From now on, I will be writing a weekly newsletter; interviewing men and women, and giving you guys the down and dirty details on how to meet women on HOT or NOT.

Some of my double matches on HOT or NOT

A little about me: I am a veteran here, on HOT or NOT. I first started using the site in December 2005. Since then, I’ve met some long term girlfriends, and created tons of everlasting memories. I loved the site so much, I got a job here!

So here I am, at your disposal to help you make the most of HOT or NOT… Lets start off with the basics: First, you’re here to meet women. Whether you are looking for a one night stand, or your soul mate, the reason you took the time to sign up for HOT or NOT, is strictly to meet women. If you claim otherwise, you are lying to yourself!

So here is your homework for this week: try these 5 tips to making the most of your HOT or NOT experience. Use them, and you should have a date by the end of the month. I strongly urge you to write in with your success stories, questions & comments.

1. Create a list of 3 things you want to convey to the women you message. Remember that you want to convey a high amount of value, so put your best foot forward!

2. Yes, creating an opening copy/paste message is great, because it allows you to convey yourself and save time. Still, any educated human being can sniff out a mass-message. Include some of her keywords in your message. Ask her why she has Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as a keyword. Tell her she’s cool for having the UFC on her Hotlist!

3. Make her laugh. (with you, not at you…)

4. Don’t be needy! Look, if you come across as a guy who has cobwebs in his condom drawer, and his mom and family doctor on speed dial, you’re up for review to be deleted, very soon.

5. Keep your initial message SHORT! Look, you don’t know her, she could be a complete lunatic! Quit acting like she’s the prize. When she finally starts to catch your attention with her words, instead of her pic, then start writing more. Plus, this weeds out the ‘crazies’.

Okay, I’m out, dudes. Good Luck, see you next week!

-Nate, HOT or NOT

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