Hi guys,

I love my boyfriend, but I can’t stand his friends! They’re immature, disrespectful slobs. All they want to do is drink beer and talk about chicks. My boyfriend turns into a different person when they’re around. I don’t want to tell him that he can’t see his friends anymore, but it’s really starting to put a strain on our relationship.

What do I do?

Ally

She Says:

Ah, yes. You’re referring to the Golden Rule of Manhood, which dictates that all men must turn into Neanderthals when their buddies are in the room. It’s like the sweet guy who, just last night, was telling you how much he likes you, has been abducted by aliens and you’re left wondering if he’ll ever return to Earth again.

The best thing to do in this situation is to use your words. Hopefully your dude’s not actually from the Stone Age and has learned the modern communication tools of talking and listening (complex for some males, I know, but not entirely impossible). Tell him how it makes you feel when you’re chilling with him and the guys: “I feel uncomfortable when your friends make inappropriate jokes,” or “I want to hang out with you and the guys, but I feel awkward when they chug beer and talk about porn.”

Don’t be on the attack and point out his friends’ inability to pick up after themselves or the fact that you know 3-year-olds with more maturity, though, because your boyfriend will defend them and possibly turn against you.

Being honest and telling your boyfriend how you feel doesn’t mean that his butthead friends will change their behavior, but if your guy knows how it makes you feel, he might be less inclined to join in on the buffoonery when you’re around.

He Says:

Guys getting together, drinking too much, talking about girls and acting like imbeciles? Yep, that sounds about right. This is what guys do and it’s not hugely different from how a group of girlfriends act when they get together, except there would be more giggling and less knuckle dragging.

Instead of trying to hang out with the guys, let your boyfriend have his “man night”, without having to worry if he’s offending you  or preparing for the ear bashing that you’ll launch on him later. Let him get all the immature, jock behavior out of his system, so when he comes home to you, he can revert to that person you like being around. I’m not saying you should sit at home doing needlepoint and waiting for your man to return. Why not get together with your girlfriends for a truly girly night? Just don’t spend the entire night bitching about your boyfriend!

What would YOU do?

There was this super hot chick in my Biology class. She was seriously the hottest chick I’d seen since I started university.

I spent most of the class staring at her ‘cause I liked her hair and the way she only ever smiled or laughed if something was funny as balls. I tried all of my class-clown tricks and smart-ass jokes to see that laugh, or at least a smile. Nothing worked.

Then one day, I just asked her out. She said yes and I couldn’t speak. I was so pumped and excited. We planned to meet at the campus pub the next night.

I was nervous before our date, so I went early and had some beers.  I didn’t want to be drunk when she got there, just something to bring back my cool. I was thinking about what she’d look like in a wet t-shirt when she walked into the pub.

“Hey,” she said.

I tried to step down from my barstool to give her a hug and my legs got caught in the rungs and I nosedived to the ground. I felt so embarrassed. And sore. What a disaster.

But from the ground, I could hear her laughing. I had actually made her laugh! She thought something I did was funny! I would have stayed down there forever if it meant that she would keep laughing. But I wanted to see that smile. So I stood up.

And there it was. Like a prize. A gold medal that I had finally won with an embarrassing fall from a barstool. I looked at her and smiled back and we kept laughing and looking at each other.

“God, that was hilarious,” she said, still smiling.

My prize slipped through the gutter, though.  I got cocky, I guess. I was nervous. We were really hitting it off. So I just blurted it out, like a belch:

“You’re so f***ing hot!”

You can imagine it got pretty awkward after that. I know it wasn’t smooth, but I couldn’t stop myself. She stopped laughing and I could see her tense up. Things were going so well, and the mood just changed. We had a drink, and mostly small-talked, but whatever semblance of chemistry I felt between us before was gone. I screwed up. Big time. Go figure.

Phil, 22, Eugene, OR

What would you have done if you were his date? Would you have given him a second chance? Let us know. Maybe it’ll make Phil feel better!

I’m an attractive, 22 year-old guy who is suffering from a severe case of the “you’re too nice” syndrome. If I approach chicks – at a bar, the library, wherever – they usually seem at ease with me and will often engage in conversation. They don’t think I’m some smarmy dude looking to bone them. But when I muster the balls to ask for a number, I always get the “I think we’d be better as friends” line or the girl says that she’s actually just leaving to meet her boyfriend and bolts.

If respecting women, smiling and nodding to show them I’m listening, and opening doors for them is “too nice” then we live in a really effed up world. Matt Damon seems “nice” and he gets laid. Why can’t I?

Help me, please!

Andrew

Andrew, darling,

It’s nice to be nice, but when a guy is too nice, it’s a turn-off for many women.

You’re right – Matt Damon seems like a very nice guy: he uses his celebrity to do charity work, he married a natural, non-Hollywood-type beauty, and he cares about his country’s politics. But the key to his success as a stud is that he’s not too nice. He’s got a sexy, confident swagger and his acting career proves that he’s nobody’s wimp. He seems like the type of guy who would gracefully sweep a gal off her feet and then show her his bedroom throw-down all night long. He can portray himself as a good guy, while still exuding megawatt sex appeal.

Women want a man, not a doormat. And when a guy seems too nice, most women’s internal red flags start flapping as wildly as Joan Rivers’ lips on the red carpet at the Oscars. We want respect, we want to be heard and understood (typical nice-guy behavior), but most of us want our partners to exude airs of confidence and sexual prowess. We want to feel safe around our man, like he would protect us from any dangers that might cross our paths.

I’m not saying that you won’t succeed unless you’re a typical alpha-male, or that you don’t posses any elements of this quality. I’m just saying that if there’s more to you than just being nice (and I’m positive there is), you might be more successful on the dating scene if you show glimmers of this manly ‘tude the next time you chat up a girl, while still showing her that you’re actually a decent guy, too. Blow her mind and prove that you are the embodiment of the desired nice-guy meets warrior.

Good luck!

Susie

I was out for drinks one Thursday night with a bunch of my girlfriends and there was this really cute guy at the next table. You could tell that he was on a first date and that he so wasn’t into it. His date was good-looking with perky, red curls, but her hotness factor plummeted as soon as she opened her mouth, which never, ever stopped flapping. She literally didn’t stop talking. I don’t think she even stopped to catch her breath. The poor guy looked bored out of his pretty skull.

My friends and I were whispering and laughing about what a horrible first date this was and we felt bad for the cute guy who had clearly been set-up with a dud. I excused myself from the table and went to ask the bartender for a napkin. When I came back to the table I said, “Does anybody have a pen?” We all searched our purses and found just about everything except a writing utensil. A fuchsia lip liner was the best we could do.

“What are you doing?” my friends asked, giggling.

When I finished writing, I slid the paper napkin into the middle of the table so that everyone could take a look. It said “Date not going so hot? Call me if you want to meet up afterwards” and then I put my name and number.

As soon as the hunky guy got up and went to the bathroom, I knew that it was now or never. I took my napkin and purse and went up to the bar like I was going to order another cocktail. I waited patiently for a few minutes and when I saw him exit the men’s room, I made my move.

“Hi,” I said, smiling flirtatiously as I stepped into his path.

“Hello,” he said and before I could say my next sentence, I slipped him the napkin and prayed that the makeup hadn’t smudged when I folded it in half. He opened it and his perfect lips spread into a smile.

He looked up at me, smiled radiantly again, and tucked the love note into his pocket. We hadn’t said anything to each other, but I was confident we had made a connection.

Later that night, my friends and I were dancing at a bar down the street from where we had witnessed the nightmare date scene. My phone buzzed. I had a text and it was from Dream Boy: “Where are you? Matt.” It was like we were already friends – no explanation about how he was the guy from the bar that I had tried to pick up. I texted him back and told him where we were and was so giddy when he said he’d be there in ten minutes. I felt my heart drop (I swear it crashed right through the dance floor) when I saw him appear next to me a few minutes later. He smiled and said hi and I returned the gesture.

Matt and I dated for five months and it was awesome. Things didn’t work out because he was a few years older than me and, as my mom says, we were at “different stages” in our lives. We’re still friends, though, and I’m so glad that I had the guts to take a risk that night, because it definitely paid off.

Lindsay, 23, from Madison, WI

Would you have the guts to do what Lindsay did?

Add more photos: It’s totally FREE to add more photos to your HOT or NOT profile! You might look entirely different from one shot to the next and adding more pictures lets people see more aspects of your personality, style, and lifestyle. For example, are you outdoors a lot, or always hanging out at a pub, or constantly snapping shots of yourself while pumping iron?

Beef up your intro: There’s nothing lamer than a profile intro that says “I’ll fill this in later,” or “I have nothing to say.” These intros send a strong message that the user is not serious about meeting people on the site, or sharing things about his/her life, interests, or personality. It might also be interpreted as complacency, or laziness – probably not the message you want to broadcast if you’re actually on the site to meet people.

By popular request, we have recently extended the length of the intros. So, those users who wish to keep things short and sweet (but still captivating!), can certainly do so, while long-winded users now have the freedom to express themselves, without feeling constrained by a 500-word limit.

Poke someone you think is hot: Poking someone is fun, simple, and – best of all – FREE! Poking one of your Double-Matches is a good way to let someone know that you like their profile. If you’re a bit shy, this is a great way to get someone’s attention – even better if you can follow it up with a message.

Send a FREE note to someone: It’s totally FREE for a Basic member to contact a Star Member, since only one person needs to have a paid account to correspond through our messaging feature. But, if you’ve seen a profile of someone you just can’t resist and you’re both Basic members, you can still let them know you think they’re groovy by clicking on the “Send Note” link below their profile picture on your Double-Matches page. One of you will need to purchase a Star Membership if you want the correspondence to continue beyond the initial note (and hopefully you do!), but it’s still a great way to say something nice to someone without spending a dime.

Just Say “Yes”: You’ll increase your chances of getting more Double-Matches if you click “Yes” to lots of profiles in the Meet People section. Obviously, not everyone can be your soul mate, but you can still use HOT or NOT to make new friendships and connections. And remember, just because you said “Yes” to someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that s/he will accept your request; so, clicking “Yes” to lots of people increases your odds, since you may only have success with a couple of them.

HoN Tip: Our new search feature makes it easier for people to meet local singles and find love. Just enter your city or zip code in the location field and select a distance (50 miles, 500 miles, etc.) from the drop-down menu. You can also mix things up and browse profiles from all around the world by entering “Everywhere” instead of a location. This way, you might see a profile from Sydney, one from Johannesburg, and one from San Francisco, all in the same search results.

Send messages to your Half-Matches: So, you’ve clicked “Yes” to a stellar hottie and your profile will now end up in his/her Half-Matches page (where it will anxiously await reciprocity). Why not stand out and send the person a Half-Match message? These are short (250 characters, max) messages that give you an opportunity to let a girl know that she’s caught your attention. But don’t cop out and send the same message to everyone: send personalized messages that let the recipient know who you are and why you are interested in his/her profile. Sure, you’ve got the looks, but people want to get a sense of someone’s personality as well, and this is your chance to let your individuality shine. Make note of her style, or his stunning eyes, or the keywords you both have in common – let that user know that you’ve noticed something unique about him/her and avoid simply pointing out the fact that she’s super-hot, or he’s got tight abs. Be genuine, not generic.

Send a virtual gift: All Star Memberships include a Star Gift Pack, rammed with a variety of e-flowers that you can send to your sweetie. The web version of a tulip might not smell as sweet as the real thing, but it’s still a nice gesture that lets someone know you think s/he’s pretty special.

Stay in touch with your Double-Matches: Once someone has accepted your meet request, you’ll become Double-Matches. Yay! From here, you can start getting to know each other by sending longer messages through our messaging feature. Unlimited messaging is included in all Star Memberships, but, again, be sure to make each message unique and point out some specifics that you liked about his or her profile or pictures. Remember that if you’re a Basic (FREE) member, you can still email your Double-Matches, as long as the other person is a Star Member.

HoN Tip: Don’t include your personal email address in the first message. This is typical spam behavior (you don’t want someone to think you’re a fake!) and people usually like to get to know their Double-Matches on our site before corresponding through their personal email accounts.

Good luck!

• Picnic. It’s classic, simple, and can work in a variety of settings, from a park, to the beach, to a rooftop. If you can get creative with the food that’s already in your fridge and pick your lady some wild flowers instead of splurging on a bouquet from the store, you’ll have a romantic date and your wallet will be untouched.
• Check local listings for things like free movie screenings or festivals and events that may be taking place in the city. There’s nothing like walking the streets in good weather and people-watching to talk and enjoy each others’ company.

• Weather-permitting, head to the beach or pool for a swim. Ok, let’s not beat around the bush. The real motive for this one is that you’ll get to see your date in her bikini. Enough said. Bring along a kite, if you’re feeling extra whimsical.
• Many museums have designated times when admission is free. Check the websites of your local museums to see if there are admission-free days and surprise your date with a visit to the new Postmodernism exhibit (plus, you’ll totally score points by showing off how cultured you are).
• Cook dinner together. Aside from being a great activity for getting to know each other, if you can cook dinner with staples that are already sure to be in your kitchen (pasta and vegetables that will inevitably go bad in a few days if you don’t use them). You get to whip up a free meal, impress your date with your improvisational cooking skills, and rescue those veggies from a fate of rotting away at the bottom of your fridge.
• Go for a hike – nothing too hardcore that requires anything more than a good pair of sneakers (maybe we should call it a “stroll in the woods” instead). Enjoy nature, and get some fresh air and exercise.
• If it’s already dark out and you’re looking for something to do, grab a blanket and head to the nearest field for some stargazing. Apart from being completely romantic, it’s also completely free, and some intimate conversations are bound to arise.
• Have a quiet night in. There’s no shortage of activities you can do at home for absolutely zero dollars. Watch a DVD, play video games, play board games, or channel your inner kid and build a fort out of pillows (great for making out in). Just because you’re chilling out doesn’t mean you can’t make a great, free date of it.

Can you add any other favorite freebie date ideas?