Friday Night Date: Best Breakup Lines!
By jackie on 8 Apr 2011 | No Comments
Breakups are never easy and trying to find a nice way to let someone off the hook is always hard. You want to be honest but you also don’t want to hurt the 
other person’s feelings. This week we thought we’d provide you with some of the Best Breakup Lines we’ve heard over the years! You are welcome to use these for your future dumping needs and we hope no one has ever used any of these on you!
1. “Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU!”
2. “I was only hanging out with you because I wanted to get with your mom.”
3. “It’s not you…it’s me. Well ok, actually it is you.”
4. “My horoscope says a new love will be coming into my life. I guess that means you’re out.”
5. “Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?”
6. ”Dear Julie: By the time you read this I’ll be a woman.”
7. “I really like you, but my parole officer doesn’t.”
8. ”I’m really sorry but there just isn’t room in my life right now for both you and my vibrator.”
9. “If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s probably me.”
10. “It’s just a restraining order, don’t get so bent out of shape.”
What is the worst breakup line you’ve ever heard? Are you usually the dumper or the dumpee?
True Story: Double Date Disaster
By Katie on 6 Apr 2011 | No Comments
My best friend Janey and I have been practically inseperable since the day our mother’s gave birth to us on the same day at the same hospital. She is 
tall, blonde and gorgeous while I’m short, brunette and a little voluptuous. Most guys fall in love with her instantly and when she doesn’t love them back, they come crying to me.
Finally, the summer before we both went away to college Janey told me that she had met a guy named Jamie the night before that was “seriously cute and sexy” and had asked her out. All Janey had to do was leave her house and within 30 seconds, she’d have a date. She was my hero. While I applauded her for yet again scoring a gorgeous piece of man meat who also happened to have a name that rhymed with hers, she quickly let me know that Jamie had a hot single friend for me.
Well now, this was very interesting news for sure. I was suddenly filled with flashbacks of all the weekend nights I’d spent alone waiting for Janey to call and give me details on her latest romance. I was 18 years old and this was my first official date… ever. The pressure was on.
That Saturday night Jamie and Kenny planned to pick up Janey and I at her house. We spent hours getting ready and when we finally sauntered down the stairs like beauty queens (sorry, scholarship queens) we feasted our eyes on two of the most handsome men I had ever seen. Jamie’s eyes landed on Janey and I laughed to myself thinking “Another one bites the dust”. When I was finally able to tear my eyes away from the love story unfolding right in front of me, I took a good look at Kenny.
He looked like a movie star and I’m pretty sure he had a glowing light following him. I couldn’t believe my luck. He stared at me and I stared back. Was this love?
“Seriously, dude? You want me to go out with THIS?” Kenny said loudly to Jamie though he kept his eyes on me. Jamie and Janey laughed nervously and suddenly I felt fat, ugly, stupid and realized I would be forever alone. Just as I was about to turn and walk right back up the stairs to cry, Kenny stopped me and said, “Ok whatever, let’s just go”. Who says romance is dead?
The date was an epic failure. Kenny rolled his eyes every time I spoke and Jamie and Janey made us both nauseous with their cutesy flirting and googly eyes. I was ready to be sick and Kenny looked like he’d rather be dead than on this date with me. He barely said two words to be and spent the night texting some other girl.
Finally, Jamie and Janie decided they’d shamelessly giggled enough for one night and the boys dropped us off. They paused on the steps for what felt like an hour while Kenny and I glared at one another.
Although my date was a disaster, Janie and Jamie ended up getting married and now have a baby just as adorable as they are. Kenny and I played the parts of best man and maid of honor at the ceremony and managed to not speak a single word to each other the entire day.
It took me three years in college to finally have enough confidence back to try dating again. I’m happy to announce that every guy I’ve dated has said I’m beautiful so as far as I’m concerned, Kenny is the ugly one who deserves to be alone forever!
Kiki, 27, San Diego, CA
True Story: Amateur Porn
By Katie on 29 Mar 2011 | No Comments
Back in college, I thought I was going to be the next hot shot Hollywood director and literally brought a video camera with me everywhere I went. I recorded 
my friends, dorm life, nights at the bar and even some of my more interesting classes.
In my second year, I took a course on Sexual Health and decided to make my final project a video documentary on oral sex. My boyfriend didn’t seem to mind the many hours I spent “researching” his penis with my mouth and my friends had a great time sharing their experiences on camera.
My video was a masterpiece and when it finally came time to show it to my professor and the rest of my class I was so excited I thought I might burst. I got up extra early that day and made sure I had everything ready. I threw the video in my bag, got my notes together and prepared to blow the minds of everyone in that room.
I sat through two other presentations and smiled to myself as I realized that my video was a work of art compared to these pieces of crap. One guy drew pictures of people having sex on the chalkboard and giggled every time he said “cunnilingus”. When it was my turn to present my epic video on oral sex, I sashayed to the front of the class and asked everyone to save their questions for the end of the presentation.
I popped in the video and told the professor to hit “Play” on his remote control. What happened next can only be described as catastrophic. My legs began to quiver and not in a good way.
There on screen was me and my boyfriend making out. I was giving step by step instructions on how to give the best blow job to your man. I watched in horror as I proceeded to pull my boyfriend’s pants down and perform oral sex on him. He moaned while I made reference to my Sexual Health professor asking if I was a “good student”.
I finally snapped out of my trance and screamed at the professor to stop the video. His mouth was hanging open along with every single one of my classmates. When it got to the point in the video where I knelt on all fours and barked like a dog, I was ready to throw myself out the window.
My professor at long last came back to reality and stopped the video. The class erupted into laughter and began to bark as I snatched the video out of the DVD player and ran out of the classroom. Later that day I got called into the dean’s office and had to explain that I wasn’t trying to spread pornography around campus. I had to apologize to my professor and the rest of my class for “corrupting” their minds with my sexual filth.
I got a failing grade on the project and a five day suspension. My boyfriend’s parents happened to be the university’s most generous alumni and when they heard about our little amateur attempt at pornography, they banned him from ever talking to me again.
Needless to say, my life was pretty much ruined by the video and for the rest of the school year I got barked at wherever I went. I ended up using this humiliating event to my advantage by writing and directing a movie several years later on oral sex and it was actually used as a teaching aid in the same Sexual Health class I took!
Olivia, 29, Toronto, ON.
Friday Night Date: Best Dating Profile Headlines!
By jackie on 25 Mar 2011 | No Comments
Spring is officially here (even if the weather doesn’t agree) and we all know what that means! It’s mating season! Animals and humans alike are out 
scouring the singles scene for sexy hook ups and you need to act fast if you don’t want to be left in the dust. Online dating is one of the best ways to find a quick date for a Friday night so this week, we wanted to bring you some of the Best Dating Profile Headlines! It is important to stand out from the crowd so always remember to be funny, cute and charming in your profile!
1. “I believe in dragons, good men, and other creatures of fantasy.”
2. “Like a serious job, I offer great benefits.”
3. “My halo is in the shop.”
4. “Couch potato looking to end relationship with television and move onto women.”
5. “I’m looking for a man with a large bulge – in his back pocket.”
6. “I’ll jump on Oprah’s couch just for you!”
7. “I am an office worker by day and an inter-galactic assassin by night.”
8. “Escaped convict seeks safe house.”
9. “Feel free to contact me. All my shots are up-to-date!
10. “Does this work like eBay?”
11. “I just want to meet a guy whose IQ is bigger than his shoe size!”
12. “I look very sexy in the proper lighting.”
13. “Looking to meet lucky number 500!”
14. “I like toenail clippings, camping in cemeteries, underwater bowling, sightseeing of federal penitentiaries, holding up liquor stores, driving in reverse on the interstate… and being spanked.”
15. “Coffee, Chocolate, and Men – some things are better rich!”
Happy Friday everyone!
True Story: She’s Crazy, Man!
By Katie on 22 Mar 2011 | No Comments
Lydia is a girl I pined after for years. She worked at the health food store down the street from me and I let that girl talk me into buying every vitamin 
under the sun. I decided one day that it was time to make my move and I was going to take my friend Justin along for moral support. The second he laid eyes on her, he slowly backed out of the store mumbling “No, no, not her. She’s crazy, man. I can’t do this.” He turned and ran. This only made me even more intrigued by this girl so I asked her out anyway.
Justin wouldn’t answer his phone that day so I still had no idea what it was about Lydia that made him act like he’d seen a zombie. I picked Lydia up from her work and within minutes, I began to see what Justin was talking about. She rambled on for 15 minutes and didn’t take a single breath. I heard about her eight dogs, her 49 ex-boyfriends and the old lady who lives across the street that she thinks is a witch. She then asked if I thought that was fungus growing on her feet.
When we got to the restaurant, Lydia called the waitress a whore and told a small boy to “Shut the hell up”, I suddenly knew why Justin had run like hell from this girl. At one point I got up to go to the bathroom and she followed me asking if I remembered the first time I used a toilet. Nope, I sure didn’t. I thought Lydia just had to use the bathroom as well but this was not the case. She followed me right into the men’s room and simply said, “Let’s do it right here, big boy.” I told her that I actually did have to go to the bathroom to which she replied, “Can I watch?”
After I said no, she threw an epic temper tantrum. Toilet paper flew across the room and I ducked when she swung a plunger at my head. She stormed out of the bathroom and I drew a sigh of relief. I gave her a couple minutes to get out of the restaurant but when I went back to the table, she was there… smiling.
“I ordered a big glass of juice for my wittle-little baby!!” she said in the most horrific screeching voice I’d ever heard. She then tried to spit on my face to clean off an imaginary “dirty-wirty” spot. The entire restaurant was watching with looks of pity and shook their heads in disbelief. I did the same.
Finally, she gave up trying to spoon feed me my dinner and we were able to get out of the restaurant. She hadn’t had a drop of alcohol but started acting like she was completely wasted. I finally had to pick her up and throw her over my shoulder and practically toss her in my car. She broke out into hysterical laughter and called me silly. I started to think maybe I should drop this girl off at some kind of institution rather than let her back out in society.
I got Lydia to her door where she announced to anyone who was listening that she was going to screw my brains out. I told her that wasn’t going to happen. She burst into tears, slapped me in the face and called me a tease. She slammed the door in my face and I turned and ran faster than I ever had.
Later that night after I had downed a few shots of tequila in hopes of erasing my brain of this catastrophe, I called Justin who proceeded to laugh for about 20 minutes after I told him every sordid detail. He filled me in on his date with Lydia and it was equally horrific. I never went back to the health food store and have not seen Lydia since. It’s been five years and I still cringe and watch my back every time I go into a men’s washroom.
Paul, 32, Charlotte, NC
Friday Night Date: Top 5 Celebrity Breakups!
By jackie on 18 Mar 2011 | No Comments
Spring is only 10 days away and you know what that means – out with the old and in with the new! It’s time to start dropping that winter weight and perhaps dump that guy or girl you’ve been dating the last few months just so that you weren’t alone on those cold and lonely nights. You aren’t the only one looking to start fresh right now. Celebrity breakups are on the rise and frankly, we kind of enjoy watching it. Remember, no matter how bad your love life is, just be glad it doesn’t turn into front page news like our Top 5 Celebrity Breakup Couples of 2011!
1. Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz
Any couple who name their kid after a Jungle Book character probably should just go their separate ways. Bronx Mowgli’s parents announced their split last month after less than three years of marriage. Sources say Ashlee partied too hard for the indie rock king, Pete. She’s already been seen hanging out with her ex-boyfriend and her ex-husband’s best friend. The girl is a class act all the way.
2. Denise Richards and Nikki Sixx
While Charlie Sheen is out there winning at life, his ex-wife Denise has tragically ended her relationship with Motley Crue drummer Nikki Sixx after only a few weeks of dating. When I first heard these two got together I thought it was going to last forever. I hope that these crazy kids wake up and realize this is probably the best either of them can do and just go with it.
3. Macauley Culkin and Mila Kunis
Most people had a hard time believing that the Home Alone kid and the hot chick from That 70s Show were actually dating but they were! For almost 10 years! Men across the world are rejoicing after these two announced their split however word on the street is, most of you have no chance with the gorgeous Black Swan actress. Sorry boys.
4. Jude Law and Sienna Miller
When I heard that these two had gotten back together last year after countless hookups and breakups, I thought maybe this time they could make it work. I can never keep track of when they’re dating and when they’re not so these two really need to just make up their minds already. Twenty bucks says they’re back together by summer.
5. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel
This one is hot off the press! In a joint statement to the press today, the guy who brought sexy back and the gorgeous actress from 7th Heaven confirmed that they have split for good. I read a lot of tabloids so this one doesn’t surprise me and I suspect cheating is the cause. If I were Justin Timberlake, I would have a hard time committing myself to only one woman as well. This split is for the best and I have no doubt these gorgeous people will rock the singles scene better than anyone.
Do you ever feel secretly happy when celebrity relationships end? If you could date any celebrity (single or taken!) who would it be?
True Story: One-Two Punch!
By Katie on 15 Mar 2011 | No Comments
I have to start off this story by saying that this is totally and completely my friend Jason’s fault. A few years ago, my girlfriend of two years dumped me and I 
was devastated. I am actually a really romantic guy and thought this was the girl I was going to marry. Turns out, she found someone else to marry a month after we broke up.
After six solid months of mourning, my buddy Jason decided it was time for me to move on. He had the perfect girl to break me back into the singles scene and not only that, she was a “sure thing” as he put it. I begged him for more information but he wouldn’t give it to me and said he would set us up that coming weekend. I could hardly wait. When Saturday night rolled around, Jason introduced me to Maggie, the most beautiful, exotic and sexy woman I had ever seen. Why on earth did Jason think she’d be interested in someone like me? I’m definitely a good guy and not too bad to look at but this girl was clearly out of my league.
The three of us had some drinks, played pool and Maggie seemed really into me. We dropped her off and she slipped me her number saying to call “anytime”. I was ecstatic. Jason then turned to me and said, “Listen man, you should know something. Maggie is a prostitute. She’s doing this as a favor to me so give her a call, let her show you a good time and then we can get you back into the dating game”. I was speechless. I tried to argue and say that I didn’t feel comfortable doing that but Jason urged me to just go with it and enjoy some no strings attached fun with a hot girl that was giving me a free lay.
Maybe he had a point. After all, she was a friend of Jason’s and she was doing this as a sweet favor. Plus, it had been a really long time since I’d gotten any action so maybe I should just grow up and sleep with a hooker. All my friends had done it so why couldn’t I?
I called Maggie the next day and we arranged to meet at her place to hang out. I went crazy with nervousness all week but when she opened the door to let me in, all my anxieties flew out the window and my penis decided to be a man and rise to the occasion. Maggie had cooked an immaculate meal and I was surprised at how classy and sophisticated her apartment was. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was just a regular girl living a regular life.
After awhile I noticed Maggie was saying weird things. For example, she mentioned a man she worked for that was “rough” and knew how to “pound her to the ground”. I brushed it off as a kinky sex thing but then she started talking about clients that would call her ten times a night and she’d have to go over to their place and assist them until they were satisfied. I realized this was just too crazy for me.
“Maggie, I don’t think I can do this. I like you a lot but your career is just too much for me to handle. I thought I could, but I can’t, I’m sorry.”
She looked at me with total bewildered and said, “You have a problem with me being a social worker?”
“No, I have a problem with you being a hooker,” I replied. This got me a slap in the face and she promptly booted me out of her apartment.
She never returned my calls after that and Jason later found out that she was in fact a social worker and absolutely not a hooker. Jason still tries to set me up with girls but he is officially banned from having anything to do with my dating life from now on!!
Max, 29, Detroit, MI
Hottie of the Week: Danielle!
By Katie on 10 Mar 2011 | No Comments
Hottie Stats
Hello my Name is Danielle, I am 21 years old and I live in Limerick, Ireland with my family. At the moment I am a student, but I hope to work as an 
actress in the near future.
What’s HOT?
Dark eyes, nice hair, sense of humor, smiles, style, confidence.
What’s NOT?
Over confidence, too much fake tan, sloppiness, trashiness, sore losers, can mock others but can’t handle being mocked themselves.
Learn more about this Irish lass by checking out her HOT or NOT profile!
True Story: Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Moe!
By Katie on 8 Mar 2011 | No Comments
When I was born, I weighed 14 pounds. From then on, I just got bigger and bigger. By the time I finished high school, I was over 250 pounds and miserable. My only friends were the school librarian and the weird girl who dressed up like a Star Wars character every day. Since I had no real friends, I studied myself right into a great college and never looked back.
I decided I didn’t want to start college overweight so I spent the summer working out and eating healthy. Chocolate ice cream and I didn’t speak for three whole months! I lost 50 pounds by the time I walked onto campus and I felt amazing. Over the next six months, I lost another 50 pounds and managed to keep it off. I looked and felt better than I ever had.
Suddenly I went from non-existent to bombshell. I got blond highlights, some cute push up bras and a wardrobe that would make Madonna blush. I strutted around campus like I owned it and the boys started to notice. During the first week of my second year, I got six phone numbers from guys. My email inbox started to fill up and my Facebook friend requests went through the roof.
Naturally all this attention went straight to my head and I decided I would date a different guy every night for the rest of the semester. I set up dates three months in advance and began my quest for… well, there was no real clear goal other than I could and would abuse this newfound sexy power of mine!
A couple weeks went by and I was exhausted. I started to confuse names and faces. After a month, I had narrowed down my favorites list to five gorgeous, hot and stunning men that would have never even noticed me a couple years ago. They would call or text every day begging for a second or third date. Since I had never dated before, I just said yes to everybody. Instead of having one date a night, I began to book myself for two or even three dates in one evening.
Since most of these guys didn’t last past the first date, I still hadn’t kissed any of them. It was time to step things up a notch. That night I kissed #4 on my Top 5. A few hours later I kissed #2. I got the flu and was benched for a few days but bounced back by kissing #1, 3 and 5 all in one day. I couldn’t remember any of their names but it didn’t seem to matter and they didn’t seem to notice.
Finally, a very gracious girl from the floor below me slipped a note under my door simply stating, “You should look your name up on Facebook”. Cryptic, yes. Intriguing, absolutely! I rushed to my computer and was horrified when I saw my name associated with a group called, “The most desperate girl on the planet.” There were also candid photos of me kissing five different guys and personal stories from countless others that I had gone out with.
Ouch. I immediately cleared my calendar of all future dates and hibernated in my room for the rest of the year. I eventually connected with a wonderful and sweet guy in my final year and we’ve been dating ever since. Turns out, he was the first guy I had gone on a date with at the very beginning and he had never forgotten me!
Cassie, 24, Pittsburgh, PA
Friday Night Date: Top 10 Celebrity Dating Quotes
By jackie on 25 Feb 2011 | 1 Comment
If you’re anything like me, you listen to everything the celebrities say and take it as fact. After all, they’re celebrities! Why would they lie to us? This week, we wanted to inspire you with some beautifully worded celebrity quotes on dating, romance, sex and the pursuit of love. Enjoy!
1. “I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it, so I said ‘Thyroid problem?’” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
2. “Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams
3. “When you’re comfortable with someone you love, the silence is the best.” – Britney Spears
4. “Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend.” – Lucy Liu
5. “I am so in love with my brother right now!” – Angelina Jolie
6. “Always remember this: ‘A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes a misses.’” – John Lennon
7. “Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!” - Homer Simpson
8. “There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.’” – Jerry Seinfeld
9. “Why did God create men? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.” - Madonna
10. “Men should be like Kleenex…soft, strong, disposable.” – Cher
Have a great weekend everyone!
