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Dating Advice: Should I say "I do"?

By Katie on 28 July 2010  |  3 Comments

Dear Sexy Susie,

I have been with my girlfriend for about five years. We are at the stage where we should get married, but I feel like I should sow some wild oats before that. Should I just have a fling, than get married, or take some time off from this relationship? I couldn’t fathom being apart from her, but I am scared of being with only one woman the rest of my life or cheating on her when we are married. What should I do?

Paul, 23, Regina, Saskatchewan

Hello Paul,

You are not alone in your state of confusion. Most people feel what you do at your stage of the relationship, regardless of gender.

When you say “you should get married,” who is saying you should? If you haven’t already, speak to your girlfriend about what she wants. If she is gung ho about getting married, get her to talk about why she wants to be married. You can do this without expressing your confusion. State that you want to understand her and what she wants. Women love to know that their partners want this. Your girlfriend may not want to get married at all right now. If you are experiencing external pressures from family or friends, don’t get married just for them. Take a step back to get some clarity as to where this pressure you feel is coming from.

You say that you’re scared of being with only one woman, or maybe cheating on her when she’s your wife, but you can only make the right choice for the here and now. Don’t forecast your feelings for the future.

It sounds like you might want to have your cake and eat it to. If you’re seriously considering suggesting that you take a break, I suggest that you make a list of the pros and cons of being with someone else before you bring it up. You do run the risk of not having a relationship with her again if you take a break. You say you could not fathom that – ask yourself why you can’t be without her and be clear as to what she brings and gives you in your life. Think about what you bring to her, and how that makes you feel.

From what I hear you projecting it sounds like you should wait a while longer before getting married. There is nothing wrong with waiting. You need clarity within yourself about this relationship.

Monogamy is tough, it takes a lot of work. It is not picture perfect, nor like the movies make it out to be.

On the other hand, though, sowing wild oats is not it is all cracked up to be. Sex is just sex, it is what goes on in your being and mind that matter. The intimacy you have with your girlfriend has taken a long time to establish.

If you have never been with another person in your life, it may be something to consider. There is no clear cut answer. You have to make the best decision at this time in your life. Don’t live with regrets about any decision you do make. Know that you make the best decision you can at this stage of your life. You have a long life ahead of you, don’t rush into anything. Being in a relationship for more than five years before getting married is not at all a negative thing.

Good luck!

Sexy Susie

3 Comments

1. By Marillion on 29 July 2010

   Getting married is mostly a emotionel matter.
   If they are torn appart i would leave things like they are. Of course only if your girlfriend aggres, no need to hurry things.

2. By jamesisbonkers on 10 August 2010

   can i say i am in the same situation and i feel like running a mile, i dont know why and i stil dont know if i truely love her, where has all the love gone, i know she there but deep down i dont now if i love her.
   She keep hitting 2 me about a rings, It will be four years now on 21 septeber.
   I talk 2 loads on girls on msn and bebo i say thing i shouldnt, like i am single, when i am not. why? i dont i guess it make me feel better talking 2 these women but still its wrong, i know. I guess runnings a good option, oh and we have a house together with a mortgage.
   I blame the male gene, or us men are born with 2 much of the meale TESTOSTERON that women dont have as much and its makes men 20 times more aroused.
   thanks needed to say that cheers

3. By Jenn on 17 August 2010

   With the user name “jamesisbonkers” it does relate with what he has to say LOL. But really jamesisbonkers why the heck would you have a house and mortgage with this gal who you don’t know if you love her. Guess what? Love can be a fairy tale only found in movies. Be realistic, if you both are highly compatible than that should be good enough. I think we play tricks on our own minds. We never think what we have is good enough. Why? Cause maybe our economy is built on not thinking we have enough, that we always need more.
   Just be happy with your days with her. Love does not pay the bills. If you can laugh with her, and cherish time with her, than hey you got it made. Women have the gene just as much as men do. There are TONS! of women who are 20 times more aroused than some guys, don’t stereotype otherwise. As to chatting with other gals and telling them you are single, that is a dangerous game you are playing with yourself. If you want to create a fantasy world in being something you are not, try second life online. Otherwise, be a f**cking adult and stop wining already. Picture your life if you where single, would it be all the better? I am guessing not, cause than you would complain that you have no lady to hang out with when ever you want to. Think of all the things your lady brings you to the table.
   The grass is not greener on the other side JAMESISBONKERS!