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Dating Advice: Office Relationships

By Katie on 10 November 2009  |  4 Comments

Dear Susie,

I have it bad for a girl who works near me in my office. I have no other prospects right now, and I think spending hours upon hours near this girl has made me blow my crush out of proportion. Thing is, we both got pretty drunk at a work party a few weeks ago and ended up breaking off from the crowd and making out, but we left things completely ambiguous. Still, she’s been small talking with me lately if we’re in the kitchenette or elevator at the same time and I’m trying to strike up a friendship. Do you think I should pursue this as a friendship or relationship or anything at all? It’s starting to drive me kind of crazy.

Jeff, Los Angeles

You’re in a pickle, Jeff.

Office relationships are a contentious topic. More laid-back companies turn a blind eye (as long as productivity and quality of work isn’t being affected) while others have stringent regulations barring employees from canoodling (as if that stops them). It’s only natural to develop feelings for someone who you’re stuck working closely with day after day. However, I’m going to have hold up a big, old PROCEED WITH CAUTION sign and you should ask yourself “how much do I value my job?”

If you plan to grow with this company, then you should keep all romance outside of the office, plain and simple. But if you know you won’t stick around there forever…

Tread slowly and carefully. Don’t assume that she’s into you just because you made out while hammered. Work on chatting with her more frequently and maybe get her personal email address. Remember, all email correspondence over company email is company property and can be easily accessed and read, so keep all sensitive content off of it. Be absolutely sure that this girl is into you (and that you’re into her) before you ask her out or make any further moves. If you choose to pursue this, be prepared that the result, whether good or bad, may very well cost you your job.

There are two outcomes to the situation – things don’t go your way and you either gain a friend or feel a bit awkward at work for a while. You’ll live it down if you ask her out and she declines. Or, she says yes and you strike up a relationship. Things go well for a while, and as relationships are wont to do, this one will fail. You’ll be miserable every day you show up to work. Ultimately, there’s a high probability one of you will leave your job (on the other hand, things may go well and one of you will still leave your job because it’s difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with someone you sit close to all day).

If you believe your feelings for this girl are genuine, I’m not going to tell you not to pursue her because it’s quite common to meet a significant other in a workplace and this just might be the girl for you. But if all you want is a fling, then your coworkers should be strictly off-limits to fill the position of Flavor of the Month.

Follow your heart, Jeff, and never, ever get involved with your boss!

Susie

Have you ever had an office relationship? Was it a good or bad experience and would you recommend it? Leave a comment!

4 Comments

1. By Rebecaluvsu on 11 November 2009

   Yes, I have had office friendships. I would definately recommend it. It makes working so much more enjoyable when you have friends you can talk to…it may even flow over into an after-work friendship.
   I know this question is for Bf/Gf relationships mostly, and the answer to that is no, I have not had one. I may like someone secretly, but it would never come out. I know the consequences you would have to face if that relationship ever went wrong. Frankly, it’s not worth it with all the other fish in the sea…who don’t work with you.

2. By CEODominator on 13 November 2009

   just like any relationship these days, they end after a short time. office relationships usually end up in disaster because you work with the significant other, I been there, done that and WILL NOT JEPORDIZE my employment in that manner again, not even if the benefits are better, because they dont stay that way that is for sure! love short lived. but the pain lasts forever it seems. GOOD LUCK if you travel that path!

3. By silvering on 17 November 2009

   i have dated people i worked with and susie is right. only in fairytales does that kind of romance ever work out good. if u want to get over this crush then ask her out in a way that pretty much guarantees getting turned down without making yourself look like a jerk. get to know her a bit more find out what she doesnt like about guys natural habits and use it to your disadvantage and it will get the crush idea out of your system

4. By ScompiliaRomo on 24 November 2009

   Wow loved reading your article. I submitted your rss to my google reader.