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Dating Advice: Poor Mr. Nice Guy

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Dear Sexy Susie,

I’m an attractive, 22 year-old guy who is suffering from a severe case of the “you’re too nice” syndrome. If I approach chicks – at a bar, the library, wherever – they usually seem at ease with me and will often engage in conversation. They don’t think I’m some smarmy dude looking to bone them. But when I muster the balls to ask for a number, I always get the “I think we’d be better as friends” line or the girl says that she’s actually just leaving to meet her boyfriend and bolts.

If respecting women, smiling and nodding to show them I’m listening, and opening doors for them is “too nice” then we live in a really effed up world. Matt Damon seems “nice” and he gets laid. Why can’t I?

Help me, please!

Andrew

Andrew, darling,

It’s nice to be nice, but when a guy is too nice, it’s a turn-off for many women.

You’re right – Matt Damon seems like a very nice guy: he uses his celebrity to do charity work, he married a natural, non-Hollywood-type beauty, and he cares about his country’s politics. But the key to his success as a stud is that he’s not too nice. He’s got a sexy, confident swagger and his acting career proves that he’s nobody’s wimp. He seems like the type of guy who would gracefully sweep a gal off her feet and then show her his bedroom throw-down all night long. He can portray himself as a good guy, while still exuding megawatt sex appeal.

Women want a man, not a doormat. And when a guy seems too nice, most women’s internal red flags start flapping as wildly as Joan Rivers’ lips on the red carpet at the Oscars. We want respect, we want to be heard and understood (typical nice-guy behavior), but most of us want our partners to exude airs of confidence and sexual prowess. We want to feel safe around our man, like he would protect us from any dangers that might cross our paths.

I’m not saying that you won’t succeed unless you’re a typical alpha-male, or that you don’t posses any elements of this quality. I’m just saying that if there’s more to you than just being nice (and I’m positive there is), you might be more successful on the dating scene if you show glimmers of this manly ‘tude the next time you chat up a girl, while still showing her that you’re actually a decent guy, too. Blow her mind and prove that you are the embodiment of the desired nice-guy meets warrior.

Good luck!

Susie

Fall Date Ideas

Monday, October 19th, 2009

Fall is arguably the most romantic time of the year (other than summer, because that’s when everyone is nekkid). The leaves are changing into beautiful colors, and the weather is getting colder – there’s nothing like to it to make you want to snuggle up even closer with that special someone. So, here’s a few fall-themed date ideas to help you make it happen (Halloween-related ideas are included, of course).

• Apple picking – the obvious choice. Spend a day admiring the scenery and foliage at a farm while picking fresh and delicious apples. If you really want to wow your woman with your culinary skills, suggest making an apple pie with the batch you bring home.
• Oktoberfest – we’re proponents of boozing it up on a date, but only if you’re confident that you can drink in moderation. Getting hammed and sloshing your beer all over the place ain’t sexy, but sampling beers together could make for a wonderful date.
• Pumpkin carving – show off your artistic skills and strength in this fun seasonal activity. If you’re extra ambitious, impress your date with an unconventional Jack-o-Latern design (or, you know, do the best you can to carve a straight grin).
• Haunted House – this is cheesy fun in the best way possible. Whether it provides laughs or spooks, you can have a date full of Halloween spirit by visiting a haunted house.
• Decorating for Halloween – show your love for holiday fun by getting into it. Do it up at your house with fake cobwebs and glow-in-the-dark skeletons. Light some creepy candles and set the perfect mood for cuddling up with your date.
• Make a costume – get crafty and make your Halloween costumes together! Hit up the nearest craft/party store for supplies and spend an evening working on your get-up. (Hint: check our previous post on hot Halloween costume ideas for girls.)
• Football – if you’re a sporty couple, then there’s nothing better than incorporating football into a date. Whether it’s tossing the pig skin around, watching a game in the fresh air, or vegging out and watching a game on your couch, there’s a way to enjoy this sport for any mood you might be in.
• The zoo – this may look like the odd one out on this list, but let’s put it this way – zoo’s are considerably less smelly in the cool weather than in the heat.
• Scarf-knitting – everyone could use a new scarf for the fall and upcoming winter (granted you live in a place where it gets cold enough). If you’re a girl with some knitting skills, you could turn this into a lesson and show your man that knitting isn’t just for girls – plus, tell him it proves that he is skilled and dexterous with his fingers (wink, wink).

What’s your favorite fall date?

Tips for Basic Members

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

A Star Membership makes it easier to meet people on our site, but there are lots of FREE ways that Basic members can improve their HOT or NOT profile and their overall experience on the site.

Add more photos: It’s totally FREE to add more photos to your HOT or NOT profile! You might look entirely different from one shot to the next and adding more pictures lets people see more aspects of your personality, style, and lifestyle. For example, are you outdoors a lot, or always hanging out at a pub, or constantly snapping shots of yourself while pumping iron?

Beef up your intro: There’s nothing lamer than a profile intro that says “I’ll fill this in later,” or “I have nothing to say.” These intros send a strong message that the user is not serious about meeting people on the site, or sharing things about his/her life, interests, or personality. It might also be interpreted as complacency, or laziness – probably not the message you want to broadcast if you’re actually on the site to meet people.

By popular request, we have recently extended the length of the intros. So, those users who wish to keep things short and sweet (but still captivating!), can certainly do so, while long-winded users now have the freedom to express themselves, without feeling constrained by a 500-word limit.

Poke someone you think is hot: Poking someone is fun, simple, and – best of all – FREE! Poking one of your Double-Matches is a good way to let someone know that you like their profile. If you’re a bit shy, this is a great way to get someone’s attention – even better if you can follow it up with a message.

Send a FREE note to someone: It’s totally FREE for a Basic member to contact a Star Member, since only one person needs to have a paid account to correspond through our messaging feature. But, if you’ve seen a profile of someone you just can’t resist and you’re both Basic members, you can still let them know you think they’re groovy by clicking on the “Send Note” link below their profile picture on your Double-Matches page. One of you will need to purchase a Star Membership if you want the correspondence to continue beyond the initial note (and hopefully you do!), but it’s still a great way to say something nice to someone without spending a dime.

How to Make the Most of your Star Membership

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Purchasing a Star Membership makes it easier to connect with people (hot single ladies, sexy unattached guys) on HOT or NOT, but it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll instantly amass Double-Matches and find your dream date. A Star Membership is like a toolbox: it offers you useful gadgets that will help you accomplish your goal (meeting a hottie), but it can’t do all the work for you. You need to exert a little effort and creative elbow grease in order to make the most of the perks included in your subscription. You’ve already purchased it, so you might as well use it!

Just Say “Yes”: You’ll increase your chances of getting more Double-Matches if you click “Yes” to lots of profiles in the Meet People section. Obviously, not everyone can be your soul mate, but you can still use HOT or NOT to make new friendships and connections. And remember, just because you said “Yes” to someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that s/he will accept your request; so, clicking “Yes” to lots of people increases your odds, since you may only have success with a couple of them.

HoN Tip: Our new search feature makes it easier for people to meet local singles and find love. Just enter your city or zip code in the location field and select a distance (50 miles, 500 miles, etc.) from the drop-down menu. You can also mix things up and browse profiles from all around the world by entering “Everywhere” instead of a location. This way, you might see a profile from Sydney, one from Johannesburg, and one from San Francisco, all in the same search results.

Send messages to your Half-Matches: So, you’ve clicked “Yes” to a stellar hottie and your profile will now end up in his/her Half-Matches page (where it will anxiously await reciprocity). Why not stand out and send the person a Half-Match message? These are short (250 characters, max) messages that give you an opportunity to let a girl know that she’s caught your attention. But don’t cop out and send the same message to everyone: send personalized messages that let the recipient know who you are and why you are interested in his/her profile. Sure, you’ve got the looks, but people want to get a sense of someone’s personality as well, and this is your chance to let your individuality shine. Make note of her style, or his stunning eyes, or the keywords you both have in common – let that user know that you’ve noticed something unique about him/her and avoid simply pointing out the fact that she’s super-hot, or he’s got tight abs. Be genuine, not generic.

Send a virtual gift: All Star Memberships include a Star Gift Pack, rammed with a variety of e-flowers that you can send to your sweetie. The web version of a tulip might not smell as sweet as the real thing, but it’s still a nice gesture that lets someone know you think s/he’s pretty special.

Stay in touch with your Double-Matches: Once someone has accepted your meet request, you’ll become Double-Matches. Yay! From here, you can start getting to know each other by sending longer messages through our messaging feature. Unlimited messaging is included in all Star Memberships, but, again, be sure to make each message unique and point out some specifics that you liked about his or her profile or pictures. Remember that if you’re a Basic (FREE) member, you can still email your Double-Matches, as long as the other person is a Star Member.

HoN Tip: Don’t include your personal email address in the first message. This is typical spam behavior (you don’t want someone to think you’re a fake!) and people usually like to get to know their Double-Matches on our site before corresponding through their personal email accounts.

Good luck!

7 Date Ideas That Won’t Break the Bank

Friday, September 18th, 2009

Yes, it’s true – women love to be wined and dined , but these are tough times we live in and just because you have an active dating life doesn’t mean you should be emptying your bank account to keep up with it. So, don’t knock freebie dates. Here are a few ideas for dates sure to impress that girl (or guy!) at absolutely zero cost and make recession dating a breeze.

• Picnic. It’s classic, simple, and can work in a variety of settings, from a park, to the beach, to a rooftop. If you can get creative with the food that’s already in your fridge and pick your lady some wild flowers instead of splurging on a bouquet from the store, you’ll have a romantic date and your wallet will be untouched.
• Check local listings for things like free movie screenings or festivals and events that may be taking place in the city. There’s nothing like walking the streets in good weather and people-watching to talk and enjoy each others’ company.

• Weather-permitting, head to the beach or pool for a swim. Ok, let’s not beat around the bush. The real motive for this one is that you’ll get to see your date in her bikini. Enough said. Bring along a kite, if you’re feeling extra whimsical.
• Many museums have designated times when admission is free. Check the websites of your local museums to see if there are admission-free days and surprise your date with a visit to the new Postmodernism exhibit (plus, you’ll totally score points by showing off how cultured you are).
• Cook dinner together. Aside from being a great activity for getting to know each other, if you can cook dinner with staples that are already sure to be in your kitchen (pasta and vegetables that will inevitably go bad in a few days if you don’t use them). You get to whip up a free meal, impress your date with your improvisational cooking skills, and rescue those veggies from a fate of rotting away at the bottom of your fridge.
• Go for a hike – nothing too hardcore that requires anything more than a good pair of sneakers (maybe we should call it a “stroll in the woods” instead). Enjoy nature, and get some fresh air and exercise.
• If it’s already dark out and you’re looking for something to do, grab a blanket and head to the nearest field for some stargazing. Apart from being completely romantic, it’s also completely free, and some intimate conversations are bound to arise.
• Have a quiet night in. There’s no shortage of activities you can do at home for absolutely zero dollars. Watch a DVD, play video games, play board games, or channel your inner kid and build a fort out of pillows (great for making out in). Just because you’re chilling out doesn’t mean you can’t make a great, free date of it.

Can you add any other favorite freebie date ideas?

First Date Don’ts (Girls’ Edition)

Monday, September 14th, 2009

We know how stressful a first date can be. The nerve-wracking, anxiety-inducing few of hours leading up to the big meeting can be a lot to handle. Whether it’s a blind date or someone with whom you’ve had building chemistry for weeks or even months, we all want to make a positive first impression. Here’s a list of things that you should avoid on a first date to make sure you impress that man.

• This should go without saying, but don’t scrimp on dolling yourself up. Looking good will help you feel good about yourself, and that confidence boost is sure to translate into a more enjoyable and relaxed first date. Of course, if this guy already knows that you’re a HOT or NOT 10, then you’ve got nothing to worry about.
• Ladies, you may be nervous, but you need to cool it with the 3^rd degree. This is a casual date, not a job interview. Put aside your list of questions (because does it really matter yet where he sees himself ten years from now?), relax, and he’ll get a much more accurate idea of what you’re about.
• Whether or not you’re the most die-hard believer in astrology, forget the fact that you’re a Taurus and he’s an Aquarius and that you two are meant to be. To be safe, you’re best off not talking signs. Guys tend to think it’s a bit nutty.
• Never tell your date how much you like him. There’s no better way to scare them off (except maybe talking about your exes and delving into past relationships).
• Monitor your alcohol intake. There’s nothing like a little social lubricant to ease things along on the first date, but if you know you’re a light-weight, things could take a disastrous turn if you overdo it with the vodka tonics. Just keep your eye on it, that’s all we’re sayin’.
• At the end of the night, no matter how well the date goes and how much tension there is, don’t invite him over, and don’t accept any invitations to his place, because we know how things will end. Kiss him on the cheek and book it for home! You’re looking to building a lasting relationship (unless, you know, you’re not – then you have our blessing to tap that).

Now that you’ve read this refresher, you’re going to knock that man out and leave him wanting more after date one. Hopefully he’s brushed up on his first date don’ts. Do you ladies have any other first date tips to share? Leave a comment!

First Date Don’ts (Guys Edition)

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

So, you’ve mastered breaking the ice – a special someone on HOT or NOT caught your eye and one message lead to another, and then another, and before you knew it, you were talking on the phone. Several conversations later, you were arranging to meet, and now that day is approaching. In fact, it’s tomorrow. You’ve been practicing the slow, sexy smile you’re going to flash at her when she walks in the door of the restaurant…and we’ll leave the rest to your over-active imagination.

Even though you can feel that you two will hit it off without a hitch, you want to be sure things will go smoothly and review some first-date etiquette. So, how about a handy list of things to avoid on a first date to increase your chances of impressing that lady? Here are some no-brainers:

• Be yourself. Seems obvious enough, but if your date says she loves shaking her booty to Lady Gaga at the club and you despise the club scene, you’re only digging your own grave if you claim that the club is your hang-out every Saturday night (and that “Poker Face” is your jam) just for the sake of impressing her. Next thing you know, she’ll be pulling you onto the dance floor on the unforeseen Part 2 of your date.

• Confidence is key. It’s okay to be a little self-deprecating for a laugh, but if you don’t think you’re good enough, then why is your date supposed to?

• You’ve learned some standard personal grooming and hygiene skills over the years. Put them to good use.
• Keep the conversation light. Unless you’ve already gotten very personal, you’re best off sticking to airy topics such as likes, dislikes, and hobbies. Spilling your guts about your anxieties or traumatic past experiences is a sure way to scare a girl off. All of that will come in good time.
• Don’t only talk about yourself. Focus your attention on your date.
• In a similar vein, this one should go without saying – never talk about your exes! Nothing will make a girl more uncomfortable than feeling like she’s being compared to an old flame.
• Use good manners. Self-explanatory. All girls watch for it, and manners will score you points in her eyes.
• This may sound old fashioned, but gentlemen, be prepared to pay for the date! No matter who asked whom out, it’s a classy move. However, we do live in a progressive society, so if the lady insists on paying her way, or even for everything if she instigated the date, then let her do so. Still, be sure that you at least offer.

Hopefully these hints get you off to a good start, but here’s the ultimate “don’t” to keep in mind: don’t do or say anything that isn’t genuine just to impress a girl, because it could very well turn into a bad date experience for you (like when she suggests bungee jumping as a plan for next weekend). If the chemistry you felt while chatting online is there in person, just be yourself and you’ll be golden.

Ladies, don’t think you’re off the hook – a specialized list of “don’ts” is coming at you.

Have you ever been turned off by your date’s behavior the first time you go out? Leave your essential first date don’ts in the comments!

How to break the ice in online dating

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

Approaching a sexy lady is a tricky thing that often leaves guys unsure of what to do. But as nerve-wracking as it in real life, you’ve got time to be cool and calculated when you’re making a move online. Once you’ve been Double-Matched with that special someone on HOT or NOT and it’s time to strike up a conversation, how do you go about it?

The popular opinion of online dating service users dictates that pouring your soul out in five paragraphs as an introductory message is usually met with one overwhelming response – silence. Despite how personal and sincere this message might be, you’re better off saving your life story for later. Use the same logic in meeting matches online that you’d apply to approaching a cutie who catches your eye at the bar – “If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?”

Well, that is if cheesy pick-up lines are your thing (and there’s plenty more where that comes from). But if cheesy pick-up lines have got one thing right it’s that they’re brief – a single line meant to charm your potential catch into striking up an actual conversation.

So, what’s the ideal ice-breaker when you’re messaging someone online for the first time?

• You can’t go wrong with something witty or something that’s sure to get a laugh.
• Ask a relevant question based on your match’s keywords or introduction – you’ve gotta prove that you’re paying attention.
• Write something about yourself that the other person will find intriguing (boys, women can’t resist intrigue).
• Feel free to compliment the other person’s appearance, but don’t be a creep! We hate to break it to you, but telling a girl “you’ve got great boobs” ain’t gonna get you anywhere.
• In fact, don’t mention sex at all.
• Keep it general, so the other person can easily find a related thought or topic to respond with.
• You’re doing this online – so there’s no excuse not to rock your confidence.

If the lady likes cooking, you can write: “I’m no master chef, but I’ve been trying to learn authentic Chinese cuisine. What are some of your favorite recipes? Maybe we can swap. By the way, you have a lovely smile.”

If she’s a sports buff like you, you can write “I’m into hiking, camping, and skiing, but that’s only a portion of what I do in my spare time. Maybe we have more than a love for sports in common…what else are you into?”

If she says she’s an animal lover, you can write: “Do you think you can tame this beast, baby?” …but we wouldn’t expect an answer if we were you.

You get the idea. And even if it wasn’t meant to be, then at least being met with silence on HOT or NOT is nowhere near as harsh as getting rejected to your face, amiright?

What’s the best opening line you’ve ever heard?

Meeting People is Easy

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

Let’s get back to basics, HOT or NOTers. Whether you’re looking for a friend, a potential hook-up, casual dating, or a relationship, you’ve come to the right place to meet people – but how do you make a splash in this sea of eligible hotties? There are some basic criteria that make for a HOT or NOT profile that’s sure to send some attention your way.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. It’s simple: putting up a picture of your cute mug is half the game. It’s certainly enough to pique the interest of a guy or girl looking to meet someone new. So, you caught his or her attention. Now what?

Looks don’t tell you much about your compatibility with another person, but that’s where the rest of the profile comes in. Get as specific as you can with your keywords since they provide a great indicator of whether two of you have any shared interests that could easily spark a conversation. For instance, these  -

are a bit more informative than these -

Your HOTList is another great feature that can get your interests out there.

Lastly, the Introduction box gives you free reign to write whatever you’d like about yourself, and you should put it to good use. It’s a great opportunity to give someone a glimpse into what you’re about. This intro -

is a lot more convincing than this one -

Write something funny, charming, and honest to entice someone to message you.

Expanding your Keywords and Introduction makes things easier for someone trying to come up with an idea for a first message that you won’t be able to resist replying to. It’s like the online equivalent of getting swept off your feet. Follow these simple steps, and you’ll be on your way to meeting the best matches HOT or NOT’s got for you.

If you have any other helpful tips to share, then don’t be greedy and let us in on ‘em in the comments!

New & Improved! Share a hottie is even better …

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

SHARE A HOTTIE IS BETTER THEN EVER!

Have you come across a hottie you just think is soooo HOT? And, you just need to share them with all your friends? Well, we’ve made it easier and better then ever to do so.

How did we do it? We added a NEW FEATURE that enables you to spread the hotness of HOT or NOT to all your friends – ADDRESS BOOK IMPORTER! (insert applause here).

Step 1: Click “Share by Email” (located under the hottie you want to share).
Step 2: Based on how you roll, click on either the “Add from my address book” button, or click on the “To” link.
Step 3: Choose the appropriate program or service you use for email.
Step 4: Add your contacts.
Step 5: Add a personalized message and hit “send”. Voila! You just shared a hottie!

Just follow those simple steps and you’ll become a hero amongst your friends. You’ll be known as “that guy” who spreads hotness to each of them everyday by sending new hotties. Psst. click “Yes” before you start sharing, as ya know your friends will be hitting that too.

So, what are you waiting for? Go share those hotties!